i thee wed, nine years later

I’d like to give a shout out to the man (my husband) who quite literally helped make becoming a Baby Buncher possible. This past week we celebrated our nine-year anniversary. I’m a little amazed sometimes because it seems to have gone by very quickly. Really. But I love him and appreciate all the wonderful things he does for me and the kids. I heard him this evening telling the kids he was putting them to bed because mommy was very tired of the nonsense. Really, I was.

Baby Bunching really can take its toll on a marriage. There were days when he and I were like ships passing in the night—taking over duties, tag teaming and just so busy that we barely had time for our own needs (I’m talking personal hygiene here.) He would walk in the door after a long day of saving-the-world work and I would pass my fleshy football (Anna) and little whirling Dervish (Alex) off to him and disappear into a very large bathtub with a very large glass of wine (maybe two).

We were busy and tired and exhausted and worn out. This feeling of exhaustion seem to subside around the time my youngest was two and slowly we started picking up the pieces to complete the marriage puzzle again. All the pieces are there, and we just have to put them back. Yes, we’re still working to put them back together.

Fortunately for us, we were married for four years before we had our first miracle. (And yes he really was a miracle.) So I feel we have the memory—in the not so distant past—of the “za za zu.” And it’s not that this feeling is gone, it’s just glurgged over with kid arguments, messes, daily chores, school, errands, activities, etc.  Ohhhhh…..this must be in every marriage. Right?

We have worked hard to schedule dates out, dates at home, time with each other each night, etc, etc., but it’s hard. Keeping a marriage strong is a lot of work. Sometimes I feel like we’ve done a great job—heck we’ve been married for nine years. And sometimes I feel like we’re a poor example of what should be done. So I have no advice. But I will certainly take yours.

Comments

[Cara Fox]

Congrats on the anniversary! 9 years doesn't seem possible. It seems like just yesterday I was dashing between my graduation and your wedding hoping I would somehow show up wearing the right outfit to both. : )

We have two rules that have really helped our marriage weather Baby Bunching:

-Laugh together on a daily basis at the absurdity of your life.

-Whoever leaves the marriage first has to take the children.

[Tara]

Great post and congratulations on nine years!

I have to admit that having a baby bunch has been more demanding than I realized. We've been married for only two years, but with a 2.5 year old and an almost 1 year old. It's been rough, but totally worth it.

You're right - keeping a marriage alive and raising kids is tough - but not impossible to do at the same time. Sometimes we get so sucked up in being parents that we forget to be lovers, friends, PARTNERS. Taking five minutes a day to just talk about something other than kids, or give each other a quick kiss or massage works wonders. :)

Also, (and this might be the only good things to come out of Jon and Kate Plus 8) whenever I'm being snippy with my husband, I imagine a camera crew in my house. Would I cringe if I knew what I was saying was going to be on national TV? If so, I apologize and rephrase my statement. :)

[MommyNamedApril]

happy anniversary!!! ... wish i had some advice. i'll be looking out for what others have to say.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

Happy anniversary!

[beth]

happy anniversary.

yes, yes, yes.

one of the reasons i'm thinking 4 children may not be a good idea for my hubby and i is b/c our marriage has been rocked by 3 babes in 4 years. Two ships passing in the night yes, I hear you.

[rachel]

love to you both.

best thing we did for our marriage was join a couples bible study. it meets every other week for two hours. it is totally worth the babysitter drama, getting to share with other couples and reading or listening to really solid material together. (our group downloads a sermon series from other churches to listen on ipods-so no actual reading required). some couples bring their babies to the study, we leave our bigger kid with grandma during the weeks we're reading something "grown-up".

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