Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

a baby buncher's best friend: the drive-thru

Pre Baby Bunching, I used to look at drive thrus and wonder who was so lazy that they couldn't actually get out of the car and walk their happy butts inside the restaurant to get a hamburger.  Now I know who - Baby Bunchers.

As you all know, there is no popping in to do a "quick" errand with your Bunch in tow.  It's a minimum of 10-15 minutes spent assembling the stroller, unbuckling people from car seat harnesses and re-buckling them into stroller harnesses, and then figuring out how to attach your purse, bag of items to be returned, reusable grocery bags, etc. so that you have two hands free to steer your monstrous stroller through the door without mowing down a fellow patron.  And that's before you even get into the store - then you gotta listen to your Bunch yammer throughout the errand and then reverse the whole cycle on the way out.  It's enough to make anyone want to shop exclusively on Amazon.com.  And with three children in five years, it pretty much put me on an errand hiatus.

Somewhere along the line, I realized that the logical solution to this problem is to frequent establishments with drive thrus.  I am embarrassed to admit that there are two business that I use pretty much ONLY because they have drive thrus - one of them is even over-priced and takes forever to serve me, but darned if it isn't a drive thru that serves something besides hamburgers.  I'm convinced that if more businesses discovered the wonders of the drive thru, they'd have a built-in market in Baby Bunchers!

Thanks to my aggressive ability to scope out drive thrus, my errand running capacity has slowly expanded and I am now able to do the following:

• send my kids to school (I love you, carpool line!)
• drop off and pick up dry cleaning
• get a newspaper (because you can get them at Starbucks)
• bank - even after hours because i recently discovered the ATM deposit!
• eat Chick-Fil-A 100 times a week because it is one of the few fast food places that has a drive thru and doesn't repulse me
• eat BBQ once in awhile because the sit-down BBQ joint down the street put in a drive thru
• pick up prescriptions at the pharmacy
• drop off Goodwill donations
• conduct any business transactions that involve my church, since I can pull up into the covered entrance and ring the doorbell for the receptionist

I'm well aware that many major restaurant chains now have curbside service, but somehow I am so used to having those establishments be off-limits because my Bunch acts like farm animals at a zoo in restaurants that I never seem to use them.

Now here's a list of places that I WISH had drive thrus:

• Number one is far and away the grocery store.  I miss you, Webvan.
• The post office.  Mine actually does have a drive thru.  For stamps only.  From 11 am to 11:15 am.  On weekdays only.  When it's not closed for construction.  Because God forbid the US Postal Service offer customer service.
• A returns-only drive thru at TJ Maxx and Old Navy
• Home Depot
• And most importantly, the liquor store.

twibling negotiation: new bffs

Thursday is moving day for us. I won't say "finally" since this whole process has happened rather quickly, and I really didn't start packing until Sunday. (Yes, panic has sunk in.) Anyway, the day is almost here. Yay! From a previous post, I talked about trying to decide who got what room. All the suggestions were fabulous ones and ultimately, we decided to got with a mix of your recommendations. 1) Color both rooms a neutral color. 2) Let my youngest have first dibs. 3) Give them the option in a few years to switch.

I won't bore you with the discussion between the twiblings about this arrangement. They really chose the rooms based on what the previous family already had in the rooms. The Barbie dolls were a big draw! But my daughter finally decided to take the bigger room.

But last week, my son came to me with a very well-thought out proposition that went like this:

The Boy: Mommy, Anna and I have been talking, and I think it would be a good idea for us to SHARE the big room.

Me: (Trying not to bust a seam cracking up) Oh really. Why is that?

The Boy: Well, I just thought it would be so fun for us to be in the same room with both our beds. Apart. Then if Anna got scared I could move my bed next to her, climb into bed and give her a hug to let her know it was OK.

Me: That is a good idea. But what about the fact that your sister has all this princess stuff?

The Boy: We'll split the room. Princess stuff on her half and planets/rockets on the other. Plus, now we'll only need one clock!

Really, it's about the one clock that my son is obsessed with. I'm glad to know they love each other so much to want to be BFFs in the same room. We may let them try this out for a few days, but I'm guessing it will go south pretty quickly since my youngest wakes at 6 a.m. most mornings.

baby bunching in the news

I promised to get this posted as soon as I received it. So here is the news clip from our local NBC news about Baby Bunching. Maybe now someone will publish our book!

disorganized activities

Another delightful morning at soccer.  Honestly, my kids and their lack of willingness to participate in organized activities of any kind has me at the end of my rope.

We have a long line of failed attempts to participate behind us.  Big rocked Gymboree for several months, until he got old enough to just toddle out when he was sick of it.  The last time we went (he was about 15 months old), I "redirected" him five, count 'em, FIVE times to get him back to the class but he wasn't having any of it.

Thinking it was time for a chance of pace, I signed us up for The Music Class.  By this time, Middle had arrived and I deluded myself into thinking I would strap him in the Bjorn and he would blissfully nap (as most newborns are wont to do) while Big and I danced and sang with glee.  Instead, Big, who had by now gotten the hang of leaving when he was sick of stuff, kept leaving and Middle screamed through every session.  The musically inclined but not-so-kid-friendly teacher glared at us on a weekly basis and we ended up dropping out and eating the costs of half a semester of Music Class, which you know is not cheap.

Thinking these classes were maybe too structured, we waited a year and a half and then signed the boys up for loosely organized soccer league specially designed for toddlers - no games, just drills and a good time.  Nope, didn't work out either.

Beaten down, we went on an activity hiatus for two years.  Middle is now almost 4 and defying all laws of genetics by showing actual athletic promise, despite his parental lineage.  So we headed back to soccer (a real league this time), which he is actually decent at - when he will participate.  After a hellish rocky start to the season where hubby basically held his hand through every game and practice and bribed him to participate with snacks, he fell into a decent pattern.  We've had a good run of maybe 3 decent practices/games and the season has become (dare I say it) FUN!

So this past Saturday we eagerly packed everyone up bright and early (by our weekend standards) and headed to the soccer fields for the 9 am game.  It went pretty well until we got out of the car, and then it all went downhill so fast.  Big, who is not all that heat-resistant, immediately started complaining about heat and hunger, despite the fact that we had JUST left the breakfast table.  Middle refused to set foot on the field despite numerous attempts by the Coach's daughter to bribe him with stickers.  Baby was happy at first, but sensing that he was being left out of Complain-Fest 2009, quickly manufactured some needs seemingly related to boredom and sleep.  Hubby and I cajoled, pleaded, and commanded, to no avail.  The final straw was when someone kicked over my coffee, which I hadn't even sipped yet.  The fighting spirit immediately drained out of me and we packed up and headed home.

Having encountered many other similarly beleaguered (mostly Baby Bunching) friends on the fields, I ask myself "Why?"  Why do we as parents continue to beat our heads against the wall day after day trying to expose our kids to activities and outings when they insist on working against us instead of with us?  I've finally decided that it's because no matter how difficult it may be to take them out, it's easier than staying home and at least you get a change of scenery while your children assault you.

I am convinced that one of these days, as they get older, it will get easier.  Please tell me it's true.

ready, set, wean!

The American Academy of Pediatric's official stance on breastfeeding advocates "Exclusive breastfeeding for approximately the first six months and support for breastfeeding for the first year and beyond as long as mutually desired by mother and child."   Which sounds awesome in theory.  In practice, I frequently wonder exactly how many of the Academy's voting members on this policy were actually breastfeeding moms.

Don't get me wrong - I am completely pro-breast feeding.  If it is working for mom and baby.  It never ceases to amaze me how breastfeeding can simultaneously be one of the most natural things in the world and one of the most difficult. This is particularly true for Baby Bunchers, many of whom find themselves either pregnant or nursing (or both!) for a minimum of three consecutive years of their lives, frequently more.

I have long held the year-long breastfeeding goal as a standard I hoped to reach someday.  I nursed my oldest pretty much exclusively for nine months and then he kind of weaned himself.  Never much of a cuddler, he just really didn't seem to want to draw sustenance from me anymore.   He was a busy, busy boy and didn't want to be pinned down to eat.   I will confess that, as a first-time mom, I did worry that if I pushed through the apparent urge to self-wean that I would somehow force him to revert and get overly attached and  find it so hard to break the "habit" that I would be nursing a fifth grader.   Figuring that we only had three more months until I could move him over to cow's milk and I might as well dip into those free formula samples from the hospital, I just kind of let it go. Good thing, too, because a month later I would find out I was already two months pregnant with his brother.  Who says breastfeeding is birth control?

Baby Number Two had issues.  Looking back, I think he may have had undiagnosed reflux, but I'll just say that in conjunction with his physical issues and his older brother's refusal to sit still for more than five minutes, feeding was a nightmare with him from day one.  I started supplementing at around three weeks, beat myself up daily for my inability to make nursing work, and finally signed off (with much regret) around four months.  And I regret giving up so soon to this day.

Enter Baby Number Three and I am hell bent on nursing to the one-year mark.  I have been supplementing a little since the beginning once my supply was established (darn, that formula is a slippery slope once you start it).  But we've pushed through all the hurdles and continued nursing and now he gets maybe one 8 oz bottle a day, and not even every day.  We're now trekking along at almost nine months, on target to make the one year mark. 

But this week he started moving - alot.  So much that nursing has become a physical battle.  He now attacks the breast like a ferocious dog, sucks furiously to achieve letdown, and then can't be bothered to stick around for the payoff.  Nope - he's practically crawling out of the room with my breast clamped in his mouth.  When I am able to convince him to sit still long enough to eat, he's either poking my eyes out, clawing at my hair, or shoving his fingers in my mouth.  Or sometimes, instead of draining the breast like he did as an infant, he sips at it.  Luxuriously, at his convenience - when there is nothing more interesting going on in the room.  Somehow he didn't get the memo that breastfeeding is neither a Iron Man triathlon water station nor a tea party.

Once again, my little one's apparent lack of attachment to (or even interest in) nursing is weakening my resolve and threatening to keep me from the one-year mark.   But I'm determined to push through it this time.  Baby Number Three is the final chapter and this is my last chance to show the AAP once and for all that I can run with the big dogs. 

baby bunching attire: polarn o. pyret giveaway

There are very few children's clothing companies which I can strongly endorse as 'perfect' for Baby Bunchers. In case you haven't noticed, kids wear out their clothes. Oh sure, in the early days, before the nasty smelling spit up or the entry of all food orange, you might be able to salvage some attire. However, let me assure you once your kids are into mud and dirt, it's really all over for kids' clothes. I have VERY few things I have been able to hang onto for other kids past the age of 9 months, even with Oxy Clean.

So can I just tell you how I squealed with joy when I found out my favorite Swedish clothing company--Polarn O. Pyret--was making its entry into the US market. My love of all things Swedish is WAY obvious to most. I get that.

Here are the details on this new-to-America clothing line. You can always tell Polarn O. Pyret clothes by the stripes. (Just so you know, I refer to them as "POP.") In Sweden everything PO.P is either navy blue or red with white stripes. All their major items: hats, boots, coats, snow suits, rain pants (can I tell you how fabulous the rain pants are) are all recognizable by the stripes. It's the primary symbol and identity carrier of the brand, and prompts an instant sense of recognition among customers. Every kid in Alex's preschool had a matching PO.P hat of either red or blue. Do you see where I'm going with this?

They have other adorable items as well which are somewhere in the range of H&M cuteness (but better quality) and Hanna Andersson quality (not as bright). Their motto is: quality + function + design = for the playful! Unlikes stores like Baby Gap, Pumpkin Patch and Old Navy their clothes are simple, graphical and UNISEX. Yes, that's right, they are unisex. So for all you Baby Bunchers out there this is HUGE. You have a baby, you pass it along to the next and in red or blue it suits both kids. Buy the red if you don't know what you're having so you're covered either way!

I think it was PO.P that taught me it's OK to buy unisex, especially for your big ticket items like coats, boots, hats, snow suits, etc. But what about shirts, onesies, pants? Yes, they have those too. The best part about them is that you can wash them over and over again and they don't fade, shrink or fall apart like all my Target and Old Navy stuff. My daughter is currently wearing a navy blue dress (now it's a long shirt) for the THIRD year! It still looks as good as it did the day I bought it. C'mon ladies. Three years? That's amazing.

So to celebrate this special occasion, the wonderful people at Polarn O. Pyret are giving away two of their baby outfits to try to draw you in. Don't worry, you will be. All you have to do is leave a comment here about what you look for most in kids' clothing AND go and sign up for PO.P+ which will automatically give you a 15% discount on what you buy. So either way, you win something! We'll let you know our winners (we'll be pick two) on May 1. If you want to comment about the clothes, please do.

for us, schedule-less is more

One of the many challenges Baby Bunchers face is schedules.  When you're new to the world of Baby Bunching, your days are consumed trying to get New Baby on any semblance of a schedule at all, let alone one that overlaps with Big Baby's.  As your Bunch gets a little older, you have to tweak the schedule to accommodate preschool schedules and then tweak them again when Big Baby decides to drop the afternoon nap when their younger sib still needs one.  Or maybe you're adding to your crew post-Bunch and you now have a New New Baby that doesn't have a prayer of getting on a schedule because your days are so consumed with the activities of your Big Bunch.  No matter the stage, I've always felt that by virtue of cramming lots of babies into a short time frame, Baby Bunchers certainly face more scheduling challenges than those who space their children further apart.

I've always been more on the schedule-less end of the spectrum myself.  With the exception of when I am pregnant (during which I force all children already living in my home to nap every day from 1 pm to 4 pm because I must nap during this timeframe to stay functional), we're a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants kind of family.  We're constantly doing school, playdates and other activities with friends, neighbors, and classmates at all hours of the day.  Provided no one is melting down due to sickness/teething/chronic lack of sleep, the "go with the flow" approach has always kind of worked for us.  I always found it too hard to plan around people's sleep schedules, preferring instead to adjust sleep schedules around the plans.  Of course, the flip side of that is that if we actually HAD consistent sleep schedules, it might be easier to plan around them.

Conversely, I have Baby Bunching friends that live and die by strict schedules, saying that it is critical in keeping their clan running smoothly (Linda is one such friend).  Another friend, whose oldest child has always needed a good bit of sleep, says it's just not worth it to shuffle naps around - her crew gets so bent out of shape that it's easier just to stay home so they can all get the rest they need. 

Most parenting books I've read seem to lean more toward the scheduled side of things.  Which makes sense - kids thrive under consistency, it helps you make sure they're getting the right number of hours of sleep for their age, and it is easier to plan your day when you know roughly how sleeping/eating schedules are going to shake out.  But after five years of parenting and always feeling like I should be getting my crew on a more consistent schedule, I'm officially throwing up my hands and giving up on schedules.  My kids get the right number of hours of sleep, just not always at the same time of day.  Sure, sometimes I wish our naps were more consistent so I could plan activities around them instead of vice versa.  But I learned a long time ago that there's no controlling my kids (or their sleep schedules, apparently), so I guess I'll just embrace the chef's surprise that each day brings.

new mommy bliss & missing the milestones

During my major pruning session for our upcoming move (in less than 2 weeks), I ran across an old issue of Parenting magazine (Feb. 2008 to be exact). Since most of our reading material has been packed up, I decided to just flip through a bit while in the bathtub. Yes, I am amazed that I got a quiet bath—thank God for DVDs! This article by Jennifer Graham Kizer really struck me.

In case you missed it (it was over a year ago), which even if you did I’m sure you all don’t remember since I probably did read it and still don’t remember….I’ll refresh. The article is about a new mom of a one year old. One who is both amazed at every new thing her daughter does and fearful of all the things she might try. She realizes she’s a novice in the eyes of her friends—many who have more than one child.

All of baby’s firsts are wonderful precious gifts. And in all honesty it’s amazing (OK incredibly amazing) when your first child does all his first milestones. But when the next and the next does it—it’s amazing but more as a comparable thing. My son began crawling at seven months. When my daughter was seven months and showed no signs of crawling I began to wonder . .  . “what’s wrong with her?” And, honestly, while I was amazed at all she could do, I was always comparing her to what my son did at this age.

Add this on to the fact that I probably didn’t accurately remember what my son did because once I was hugging the porcelain God with morning sickness I probably wasn’t accurately recording all the details of when he walked, talked, etc.  I also know FOR SURE I wasn’t enjoying all the novice mom moments I should have been enjoying. I was trying to survive the pregnancy with a baby. Trying to endure the last few months of being 30-pounds overweight with a newly walking toddler. Trying to exist with two babies in diapers who had constant needs round the clock.

We’re all new moms at one time. There are things we all should enjoy about our new babies, but the fact of the matter is as a Baby Buncher there are a lot of moments missed and a lot of milestones which pass as a blur.  The truth is you won’t remember, especially if you are pregnant or have a new baby. But you want to and you do your best to remember.

Quick tips: Take a picture or a quick video. Jot a note down and stick it in a jar with a date. Keep a loose journal. I am grateful for the scrapbooks I did keep during those early years to help me remember. Blogging counts so do that. You’re a new mom and you’re entitled to all the wonderful new moms feeling—even if you’re pregnant or already have another baby in tow. Do what you can, when you can, to try and remember/document some of it. The new mommy bliss is wonderful and even us Baby Bunchers have to try to nab some of it when we can.

hi, my name is mommy and i'll be your server today

Today I hit the point where I thought my head would honestly explode if I heard one more person call "Mommy!!??!" in a high-pitched and whiny questioning tone of voice.  And I'm practically deaf so I wear high-powered hearing aids.  I really do take pity on moms with perfect (or in Linda's case, supersonic) hearing.  Seriously, sometimes I think I would stab myself in the head to make all the voices go away.

With three children age five and under, there is a pretty steady stream of Constant Needs around here.  If someone isn't hungry, thirsty, or needing to pee pee, they have either been injured, injured someone else, or made a mess.  All of which require the assistance of the indentured servant otherwise known as Mommy.  Three young children and one Mommy means that the aforementioned Mommy is busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. 

Ironically enough, they also use this tone of voice when they want to show me something, play with me, or help me with something.  But I am so conditioned the Constant Needs that usually follow "Mommy!?!?" that increasingly I find myself barking, "WHAT!!?!?!" in response to every single call.  Time to take a step back and get a grip, Mommy. 

So in an effort to get them to address me in a different tone of voice, I sat the Bigs down and told them I would no longer be responding to "Mommy" in a whining tone of voice and they would have to find a different approach.  They totally missed the point and have started calling me "Daddy" in a whining tone of voice. 

Which is why lately I've found myself favoring the baby because, frankly, he is more quiet.  And while he summons me with a scream, at least it's not a whine.

baby bunching occupational hazard: longer torso?

After my second child was born and I'd lost a good amount of the pregnancy weight, I remember trying on all my old pre-pregnancy clothes (from the two seconds I could fit into regular clothes between baby #1 and #2) and I realized my shirts were all too short! I was certain this was some freak thing of nature--either I shrunk ALL my clothes in the wash, I grew two inches or my torso was actually longer?

Since Cara's second child is 17 hours younger than mine, I called her distressed about none of my shirts fitting anymore even though I seemed to "look normal" again. She confirmed I was indeed not imagining things. Apparently she too was having trouble keeping her shirts from riding up her midriff. I suppose this is why places like Land's End advertise the "longer shirts."

After checking around with other moms, I found out about this dirty little secret of the second baby (since no one seems to have experienced this after the first): elongated torso without actually adding on actual body height. What is that?

I'm not sure how this is medically possible so I'm just going to chalk it up as one of the many great mommy mysteries.

How to clothe this new body shape? You got me. I found that the H&M L.O.G.G. T-shirts have worked best for my new body type. They are long enough to cover, stretchy enough for hide a bit and still flatter. I welcome other clothing suggestions for this problem.