apparently what’s mine is yours

Except that there is no mine anymore. Apparently the minute I pushed each one of my Bunch from my womb, everything of mine became theirs, too. And why not? I just never really knew exactly what that meant. I didn't understand I was giving up the right to everything formerly known as "mine." Call me selfish.

I knew in advance my own time would never be my own again. That’s a given, right? And in the early baby days I willingly sacrificed my bed, my boobs, my sleep, my smaller purse, my personal space, my well being for my Bunch. As they grew, I gave up more sleep, my own food, my dignity for my toddlers. I’ve amazingly reclaimed so much of "me" from my kids now that they can do some things on their own, but I still find myself vying for SOMETHING that is mine.

As soon as I grab a few minutes to myself and sit down at the computer someone comes up asking if they can play PBSkids.org. I start to make a phone call while folding laundry and someone else needs to call grandma THAT very minute. This weekend when I sat down to make my grocery list, my daughter suddenly needed my pen and paper to write a note to Santa. While I’m putting on makeup, she declares it’s her makeup, too. Even my own stairs are not my own. My kids are going through some scared phase and the minute I start to make my way down the stairs they charge after me trying to beat me or cut in front of me. Don’t even try to sneak a snack because my children have noses like dogs. They will find wherever you are hiding with food and beg for some of their own. Even the space in my own car is not longer my own. As we drive to school, I quickly try to sneak a few minutes of NPR so at least I’m not totally ignorant of what’s going on, and before they can even detect what's coming from the radio someone screams, “WE WANT KID’S MUSIC!”

While relaying my frustration to Cara today, she explained how her oldest son began cutting the very newspaper page she was trying to read. Mine use magazines, newspaper, recipes, or lists as canvases for their next drawings.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy to share the computer, the phone, some food, the radio, the newspaper, the stairs...I do draw the line at my makeup...or even set some boundaries as to what they can and cannot have. I can only imagine as they get older what's actually mine becomes less and less. That is until they are old enought that they don't want to be seen with me anymore and just take my car instead.

Comments

[geekymummy]

Having sat through a long car ride of "wiggles" with my sister and kids, I have actually never played kid music in the car, not once ever. I don't think my daughter(3) even realizes that it is a possibility. No doubt she will wize up to that soon, but for now we listen to NPR (Ok, and 80's rock).

[Elizabeth Gallo]

Linda, I am right there with you. Lately I've taken to "ignoring" the children while I read a bit (of a grown-up book, that is) as they play independently. Even if I get interrupted to "help" or do something for one of them, it helps me feel like a bit of me.

[AllisonD]

This is so true! And how many times have you had to offer your meal up to one of them too. Mine are one year apart and I am so happy to have found this blog.