Equality is this week's theme (which may carry over into next). My son's fifth birthday is tomorrow! Can I just say I'm in awe that I am almost the mother of a FIVE-year old. But here I am, emotional as can be as I kissed his sweet little four-year-old forehead tonight knowing tomorrow he would be five. FIVE!
Birthdays are a big deal to me. I love birthdays, and I make a HUGE deal out of my own even if no one else will. I'm just that kind of crazy. I'm not into big elaborate birthday parties, though I do love a good themed party. Tomorrow's will be a very small pirate party. One which I believe will be rained out. Super fun.
But in all the hoopla of the day (presents, cake, extra attention), what happens to the other member of the Bunch, especially if the other one is older or at least old enough to get that her sibling is getting a ton of gifts. Now, I understand this is a life lesson in 'everything isn't fair' and 'your time will come,' but it's sometimes hard to teach that to a three-year old.
My husband comes from a household where the nonbirthday kid gets a small 'unbirthday gift.' (Do you remember that from Alice in Wonderland?) I didn't realize how much I appreciated this small sentiment until a few gift givers sent along a small token unbirthday gift for my daughter. She cooed in delight when she saw her name on just one of the gifts. Just one little thing for her to open. So I started thinking perhaps my husband's family was onto something. We have been doing the unbirthday gift for a few years now, especially for my oldest on my youngest's birthday. And this year is no different with two small gifts for her.
I know many moms just remind their other children that THIS birthday is for THIS kid and the rest just have to cope. I believe that to some extent. It's their special day today. Am I am setting up a bad expectation for the future? And if so, is spending $5-$10 on an unbirthday gift REALLY that bad?
We always did unbirthday gifts when I was growing up, at least until we were about 10. I started to hate it because my birthday became all about what one present my older brother was going to get. My youngest two's birthdays are only 2 weeks apart, so there's not really worries there. And, since my oldest thinks that all toys are for him EXCEPT in the case of birthdays(he's 4), no unbirthday presents for him.
Posted by: Shell | Mar 28, 2009 at 07:37 AM
I think that is crazy. Kids have to learn that sometimes it is not all about them. Again, just something else they have to learn later on (and will be even more sad having not been brought up to understand it's NOT your birthday when big brother has his). I always made it a big deal to go out and buy/make the birthday boy a gift especially from them. It really should be about the birthday boy only. She could get the same favor bag as the other party guest and feel special. I think you are shooting yourself in the foot. But, then again, it must have worked for your husband as I am sure he doesn't think it's all about him.
Posted by: Pat | Mar 28, 2009 at 11:14 AM
My parents get a small gift for the non-birthday kid. While they are young, I really don't seem the harm in it. As long as you continue to stress that it is the birthday kid's day. Just as people get gifts for the older siblings when a new baby is born. As they get older, I will most likely put a stop to the whole thing. With a younger sister 18 mo apart, I remember being able to help at a party/run a game/be the "big kid" and that was far better than any gift.
Posted by: Amy | Mar 30, 2009 at 05:27 AM
My sister and I were born 4 1/2 years apart to the day, so my parents always did "half-birthday" gifts. Until my third sister came along when I was 10 and all of the sudden they decided it was too crazy/expensive to do so many half birthdays anymore. Even at 10 years old (when I should've been old enough to know better), I was crushed.
So we do not do this for our kids - I figure I will crush them in enough other ways - LOL.
Posted by: Cara Fox | Mar 30, 2009 at 10:03 PM