regrets, anyone?

I've had very few regrets about Baby Bunching.  I hadn't really planned to be a Baby Buncher and it was a LOT of hard work, but given a do-over, I would most certainly do it again.  And hopefully better the second time around.  That's not to say that I'm falling all over myself to Bunch #3 and #4, though (in fact, I'm pretty sure there won't be a #4)...

The two main drawbacks to Baby Bunching for me were:  A) it kicked my ass and I was dead tired for two straight years and B) it really does not allow as much time for me to devote individually to each child as I would like.  But as I see it, A is a moot point because really, who ever said parenting was easy, no matter how you do it?  And B is kind of a moot point too, because I may not have as much time with my kids as I'd like, but they have as much time with each other as they want.  They'd rather be with each other than me, anyway.

But the other day, I decided that my true Baby Bunching regret is that I didn't nurse my second baby as long as I would've liked.  With my first, breastfeeding was a breeze.  I had ample supply and ample time to nurse to build my supply.  Since I didn't go back to work full-time, I skipped the expensive electric pump and just got a handheld, which suited my purposes just fine and I loved it.

The second time around, I had a very fussy baby with tummy problems and a very demanding toddler that wouldn't let me sit still long enough to nurse.  I killed myself for four months trying to make it work and in the end, just gave up.

#3 is now also a pretty fussy baby.  The difference is that #1 and 2 are old enough to keep each other occupied (or watch a video) while I nurse.  I had my share of troubles with #3 in the beginning, but a nice electric pump got us over the hump and now, at 7 months, it's been smooth sailing ever since.

All that to say, I felt a sense of failure all along for not making nursing work with my second, so I was absolutely committed to making it work with the third.  I think I felt guilty because I was in such an addled frame of mind with the second baby that I didn't have the energy to pull out all the stops before I quit - the electric pump, the herbal supplements, stuffing myself full of oatmeal, milk-stimulating medication, etc.  I just didn't have it in me to problem solve or pursue options to make nursing work.  And on some level, I truly think that if my babies hadn't been bunched, I would've had more energy to make it work.

I will say that at 3 1/2 years old, my second is every bit as healthy and smart (maybe a little more so, but don't tell the others) as his brothers.  So no adverse effects to the abbreviated stint with nursing that I can see.  It's time to check this particular Mommy Guilt at the door, but I can't seem to shake it.

So there you have it - my biggest Baby Bunching regret.  Care to share yours?

Comments

[Krystyn]

I think mine would be the time thing, too, but like you said, they love each other so much already that it's hard to imagine it any other way.

And, nursing is still harder for me with the second, but I'm at work and pumping 3 times a day; it's exhausting.

[Jen]

This may seem like a silly regret, but I wish we had more video of the kids when they were very small. My oldest is 3 years older than my youngest, and my middle child is 4 months older than the baby. At the time, I was just so tired! I took lots of photos, but I didn't do movies much at all. Now I wish I had all their funny antics recorded - especially when both of their cribs were in the same room...ah, the trouble they would get into! And the funny things they would say...

But no real regrets. My three are all best friends and have so much fun playing together...

[Tara Pringle Jefferson]

Hmmm...I would say, like Jen, videos. I also wish I had played with my daughter more while I was pregnant with #2. I was just EXHAUSTED every possible moment of my second pregnancy. I had morning sickness from before I peed on the stick until the morning of my C-section. I carried around this 9-lb baby (on my 4'11'' frame!) and my back ached constantly, I couldn't sleep, etc, etc. I wish I had fought through the discomfort to do more special things with my daughter to commemorate her last summer as an only child. Oh well. :)

Tara
http://theyoungmommylife.com

[Beth]

I do regret having mine so close together, they were all planned. I think I wasn't viewing the situation realistically and had yet to enter into a more difficult stage with either of my first 2. The 3rd one has definitely set me straight. If we have a 4th the 3rd will be at least 2 1/2!

[JessPond]

I don't regret having them so close...it's the only way we'd HAVE these two kids (what with the one not coming from my uterus and all) and so it's a good thing. Their bond is fabulous and I love that. Ideally, though, it would have been kinda cool to stretch the baby loving out a little longer, though.

But it is what it is! :)

[Casey]

I just have the usual regrets, not letting my oldest be an only child for long enough, not getting to pay attention to my youngest since the oldest is still too young to entertain himself. You know... typical guilt.

[Kelly Pool]

Hey there, I started following your website a while back, but I can officially be added to the list. I have a 14 month old and a 3 week old. They are 13 months apart and at this point I am still overwhelmed and totally exhausted. I have enjoyed your site grately, and will continue to keep up!! Wesleigh is 14 months and Ethan is 3 weeks!

[Linda]

I'm with Jen and Tara on this one. I had so much trouble adjusting to motherhood with #1 and finally felt like I had it all together when my oldest was about 5-6 months old. I was enjoying him and loving spending time with him. And two months later I was pregnant. During that wonderful time when they are learning to explore, what was I doing? Puking. Tired. And feeling like general crapiness until he was 16 months old. Those nine months of HIS baby/toddler life are a blur from my pregnancy haze. I took tons of pictures and thank God I did. I wished I'd taken video so I could relive those forgotten days.

But besides those two things, I have no regrets. My kids are best friends and I was done with the baby phase pretty quick--even though I can't remember it. :-)

[Meagan Francis]

Both my "sets" were about two years apart (first "set" 22 months, second "set" 25 months). For me, going from 1 - 2 was BY FAR the hardest transition. I don't know if it was because I was still getting used to parenthood, or if it was because #2 was kind of a fussy baby, or a combination of that and our life circumstances, but it was a stressful first year.

On the flip side--my oldest two boys (now 9 and 11) are so, SO close. They are very different, and yes, sometimes they bicker and fight, but they spend almost all their time together. They're constant companions. When one of them is gone for the night, the other spends the first hour or so enjoying the break, and then the rest of the time looking lost. It takes them forever to do their chores, eat their breakfast, etc because they just talk, talk, talk through everything. I'm so glad they are so close together!

[heidi]

All 4 of mine fall into this category. 1st "set" is 20 months apart, then 25 months later I started the 2nd "set" which are also 20 months apart. And no, none of it was planned. Now that they are 14, 12, 10 & 8 I have to say I'm glad I did it that way. It was hard - oh so hard but they are close. Good friends, even when trying to kill each other. The other thing that worked in our favor though is that they're all boys. I'm not sure how it would have worked out if there were a couple girls thrown into the mix.

[Jennifer Rider]

I think that you miss out on a lot of stuff no matter the age of your other children when you are pregnant. Ours are 22 months, 24 months and 16 months apart. My oldest son was just starting Pre-K when we had our 3rd child. I feel like I missed out on some opportunities with him because I was always pregnant and tired. For me, I would definetly do it the same way again. I don't want to get out of the diaper stage and then have to get back into it. I have been changing diapers for almost 8 years straight. My kids are all close. There is a constant play group when they are all home. It's great. Next year will be the first time in 6 years that I've only had one child at home. I'm not sure what I will do with myself. I also feel bad for my little guy because he's never been in a quiet house. He missed the older 2 all day.

[jenni]

I was also an accidential baby buncher, and I initially felt like I was depriving my first of my undivided attention at a young age. But now, I really don't think I have any regrets. Yes, the days can be crazy, but mostly I'm really happy with how things turned out. It's so much better than I expected.

[motherhood uncensored]

Mine are per usual -- not being able to spend enough time with my son (middle child). My oldest was in school Aug-Oct (then I had baby 3) -- and I was working on a book and hugely pregnant.

[Daphne]

Baby #2 just arrived. They are 17 mo. apart. I share the typical guilt since I'm nursing and it takes up so much of my time. I did so much different mommy/baby activities with my first that I just can't do with my second since I have two. I'm so tired, and of course my body isn't bouncing back as easily.

[LARA31Butler]

Different people in the world receive the home loans in different banks, just because that is easy and fast.