Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

big baby bunching birthday

My big baby turns five today.  For some reason, this milestone has me all choked up.  Probably because the four birthdays preceding it were, frankly, a blur.  By his first birthday, I was already pregnant with his brother and sick as a dog.  The next few birthdays passed in a whirlwind of activities such as learning how to walk and navigate stairs, potty training, moving to a big boy bed, and adding two more boys to the family in rapid succession.

Which brings me to today, and the realization that this is the last birthday I have with him before he has to start attending school all day every day in the fall.  He feeds himself.  He dresses himself.  He goes to the bathroom himself. He wears shoes that tie instead of velcro.   He even mouths off to me.  My baby is officially a boy, and the significance of the fifth birthday is hitting me like a ton of bricks.

A friend noted the other day that it's weird how when you Baby Bunch, the days are so long, yet the years are so short.  And it's so true.  My own birthday is in a few weeks and this year, my wish will be to freeze time.  Having a big boy has made me realize that I want them to stay babies forever.

regrets, anyone?

I've had very few regrets about Baby Bunching.  I hadn't really planned to be a Baby Buncher and it was a LOT of hard work, but given a do-over, I would most certainly do it again.  And hopefully better the second time around.  That's not to say that I'm falling all over myself to Bunch #3 and #4, though (in fact, I'm pretty sure there won't be a #4)...

The two main drawbacks to Baby Bunching for me were:  A) it kicked my ass and I was dead tired for two straight years and B) it really does not allow as much time for me to devote individually to each child as I would like.  But as I see it, A is a moot point because really, who ever said parenting was easy, no matter how you do it?  And B is kind of a moot point too, because I may not have as much time with my kids as I'd like, but they have as much time with each other as they want.  They'd rather be with each other than me, anyway.

But the other day, I decided that my true Baby Bunching regret is that I didn't nurse my second baby as long as I would've liked.  With my first, breastfeeding was a breeze.  I had ample supply and ample time to nurse to build my supply.  Since I didn't go back to work full-time, I skipped the expensive electric pump and just got a handheld, which suited my purposes just fine and I loved it.

The second time around, I had a very fussy baby with tummy problems and a very demanding toddler that wouldn't let me sit still long enough to nurse.  I killed myself for four months trying to make it work and in the end, just gave up.

#3 is now also a pretty fussy baby.  The difference is that #1 and 2 are old enough to keep each other occupied (or watch a video) while I nurse.  I had my share of troubles with #3 in the beginning, but a nice electric pump got us over the hump and now, at 7 months, it's been smooth sailing ever since.

All that to say, I felt a sense of failure all along for not making nursing work with my second, so I was absolutely committed to making it work with the third.  I think I felt guilty because I was in such an addled frame of mind with the second baby that I didn't have the energy to pull out all the stops before I quit - the electric pump, the herbal supplements, stuffing myself full of oatmeal, milk-stimulating medication, etc.  I just didn't have it in me to problem solve or pursue options to make nursing work.  And on some level, I truly think that if my babies hadn't been bunched, I would've had more energy to make it work.

I will say that at 3 1/2 years old, my second is every bit as healthy and smart (maybe a little more so, but don't tell the others) as his brothers.  So no adverse effects to the abbreviated stint with nursing that I can see.  It's time to check this particular Mommy Guilt at the door, but I can't seem to shake it.

So there you have it - my biggest Baby Bunching regret.  Care to share yours?

my bunch: them against me

One of the reasons many people Baby Bunch is to provide their children with a sibling, or two, near in age as "instant playmates." I first noticed this great play dynamic when my youngest was almost 2-years old. She and her three-year old brother could finally manage some kind of mutual play. Whereas with other friends who were just getting started on Baby #2 while managing their three-year olds, I already had a mini little playgroup established with my Bunch.

However, even with sibling love there is a downside to instant playmates and best friends. They foster this relationship early on and form strong bonds which can change the dynamic to: them vs. me. Sure they hide together and speak in their special sibling language that only they understand, (really, what is so funny about the word "pants"?) but yesterday I encountered the first major move of allied forces against ME!

We were playing our most recent favorite game of Sorry. Perhaps “the game of sweet revenge” is not the best game to play with my preschoolers, but it’s easy for everyone to play. I had just bumped my son’s pawn back to Start when he let out a howl about his upcoming yellow team demise. His wails became tears (ones he worked hard to create), and he was inconsolable. (If you think tantrums end at age two, let me fully reassure you that they peak again one month shy of age five.) Anna, forever my compassionate child, came over to rub his back. “Alex, it’s OK. It’s part of the game. Can I give you a hug?” Alex shook his head and continued generating the tears. Anna popped up and exclaimed she had a solution. I looked at Alex and reminded him he had a very nice sister to console him like this over something so ridiculous. She came down with Froggy in hand and continued rubbing his back and giving him kisses. She quietly picked up all her green pieces for the game and put them back in the box.

“I think Alex needs my help. I am moving to his team to make him feel better,” she said.

And that was that. She drew the cards, he moved their yellow pieces. Together with her encouraging him and him helping her count, they managed to beat me in the game. I can’t help thinking this maybe a metaphor for what's in store in the near future.

10 tips for a dinner/lunch out

For many Baby Bunchers, the thought of going out to eat (other than fast food) may make you run and hide. And as I started this post last week, I was going to mention how it's become easier now that my kids are older. But with my husband out of town all week and us frequenting even many kid-friendly places, I realized this is never easy. As I left our local Chinese restaurant, I had to leave an extra tip to make up for the spilt water, carpet of rice and crushed fortune cookies on the floor.

So here were my tips for making your trip out easier. I have been reminded that even when you're prepared mishaps happen, and you have to be quickly ready to readjust and go with the flow.

1. Go to someplace kid friendly. How do you know? See if they have a kid's menu. Even if you aren't going to order from it, it means they are prepared for kids in some way. There are some ethnic restaurants that are almost always kid friendly: Chinese, Indian, Mexican, Arab, Italian. Sure many are upscale, but your average Mexican establishment is very happy to serve you and your Bunch.

2. Bring distractions. Crayons may not be a big help if your child is 18 months old and just eats them. Bring what will help keep your kid happy while you wait for food--even if it's Goldfish.

3. Know your kids and their eating style. Some kids take forever to eat so ordering as soon as you sit down might benefit everyone if they have food ahead of the rest of the table and can take their time to eat. If your kids scarf down their food in 10 seconds and then are ready to eat, don't order ahead of time. 

4. Order what they like. Don't use this time at a restaurant to experiment. Get something you know is a sure bet for everyone and go with it.

5. Sit in the back. Uh huh! No one else wants to be around Baby Bunchers. No one else wants to sit near the kitchen. Sit near the kitchen.

6. Make everyone go to the bathroom before the meal. The the time before the food arrives to go to the bathroom and make everyone pee and wash his hands. It's a great time waster AND it helps from having to get up in the middle of a meal.

7. Be conscientious about WHEN you go out to eat. Hitting the favorite lunchtime spot at 12:30 p.m. is not going to be good for you OR your kids. Try to arrange non-primetime eating times for busy restaurants. It will just add to the stress if you're fighting all the power lunchers while you try to feed your kids.

8. Grab a high chair as soon as you enter. Many places that are non-fast food have limited high chairs. If you know you need, grab it as soon as you get in and get your table. I've been known to grab one as the hostess is walking us to the table. Because sometimes they only have one, and if you need it, you're screwed if it's suddenly gone. (Note: If you have a stroller in your car, like you should, that can double as a high chair in a pinch.)

9. If your kids are old enough, set the expectations ahead of time. What you will not tolerate--running, screaming, climbing under tables, etc.

10. Have an exit plan. Get your check and pay as soon as your food comes so you can leave quickly if you need to. Before you leave, always do a last inspection for cell phone, pacifier, lovey, keys, credit card, etc. ALWAYS!

baby bunching bests

Here are some of this week's highlights.

Stacey over at Is There Any Mommy Out There? has a very profound post written to her fourth child about being the Golden Child. This post really moved me.

Caitlin is over at Chicago Mom's Blog with a post about the eternal question . . . are we done having kids? I am forever asking this myself.

Laura over at Are We Nearly There Yet, Mummy? has a post about mornings with her Bunch. Having just come off a week with husband out of town, I so relate to this.

Mary Beth over at Four Silly Sisters is on the verge of having all four of her girls potty trained. Potty training is my least favorite parenting activity and I loathed doing it each time with my kids so props to her for doing it with triplets.

baby bunching Q/A: moving toddler to big brother's room

We received this question from Baby Buncher Nadia.

Q: We are expecting #3 in a couple of months (yikes!) and will be moving our 18-month old to his 4-year old brother's room for them to share.We had always planned on our kids sharing a room, but now that the time has come, I'm freaking out a little. We want to transition them ASAP so they have time to get used to it, BEFORE the baby comes.

We purchased a crib for the 18-month old from IKEA since we don't think he's ready to be "free" and we're not ready for that yet either. However, now that the crib's assembled, and we put the mattress in, he's pretty much almost able to climb out of it already, which is not the case with his crib in the nursery. I don't know if it's because of the way IKEA cribs are designed (lower to the ground than traditional cribs), but we are at a loss as to what to do. We are probably going to return the traditional crib mattress and get an IKEA crib mattress, which I understand is thinner, to give us a couple of extra inches. He hasn't actually climbed out, but it's really only a matter of days with the current mattress.

Here are my questions:

1) How to introduce him into the new bed. do we have him fall asleep in his old crib and transfer to the new crib to get around the "urge" to try to climb out until he gets used to the new crib and hopefully forgets to try to climb out? Or just put him down when he's so sleepy that he doesn't have the energy to try? I can't even fathom converting the crib to toddler bed...it's too much to bear!  The 18-month old
is a feisty one!

2) Do we start with nighttime sleep or daytime naps?

3) What do we do about one waking the other up in the morning? Is there any way around that or are we doomed? The toddler has lately been waking up between 6 and 6:30 while the 4-year old wakes up around 7 am. I'm afraid that he'll start waking up his brother, which will make him sleepy and grumpy.

4) What about overlapping naps? For example, the toddler naps at around noon, for between 2 and 3 hours, while the 4-year old usually goes down between 1 and 2 pm, for about 1 to 2 hours. The little one is bound to wake up before his older brother. What to do? And the 4-year old DEFINITELY still needs his naps.

 

A: First let us say congratulations on baby #3.  Let me address the IKEA crib first. We had one of those temporarily and I would suggest you put the new baby in that instead. Those beds are shallow and new baby won't escape, but yes, your 18-month old might.  

1) We recommend leaving your baby in his crib as long as you can, especially if already have two cribs. It's not just a safe place for him to sleep, but also a safe place to put him if you need to take care of something with the new baby.

2) I would recommend starting with bedtime in the new room. Kids are sleepier then and once the light is off you have a better shot of everyone actually sleeping instead of playing/talking.

3) As for the kids waking each other up, this is probably inevitable. But something that will probably adjust after some time. Your best bet might be to use a white noise machine to help drown out noise from the other child--whether it's just waking in the morning or waking in the middle of the night. You might also work on putting your oldest to bed earlier if it seems like he's really tired from waking too early.

4) With the napping, I would suggest putting your oldest to bed in another room. My kids LOVE when they get to sleep in my bed at naptime. So just set up a routine where he gets to nap somewhere else so that everyone keeps his midday sleep. You might think about tweaking their nap schedule some so you get them down about the same time if you decide to keep them in the same room for naptime. Then when your older one wakes up first, you can just tell him to sneak out of the room and come find you. It gets harder when the older one decides to give up the nap and he still needs "quiet time." That generally doesn't work well in the same room so perhaps the seperate room (for naps) might be your best best.

The first night will be the most difficult and maybe even the first week. You're smart to start this process now before your new baby arrives. I'm sure our readers will have lots of additional advice on this one.

(If you have a question for Baby Bunching, please email us at [email protected])

all playgrounds are not created equal

Five years ago, I NEVER would have dreamed that I would become such an expert on playgrounds.  With fairly decent weather year-round in Atlanta, the playground is almost always a cheap and convenient entertainment/outing option.  We hang out at local ones during the week and on the weekend when we have dad's extra hands and we don't have to worry about rush hour traffic, we actually drive to other parts of the city to try out new ones. 

But, as with with pretty much everything Baby Bunching, there are secrets to creating playground success with your Bunch.  Your needs will change as your Bunch gets older, but in the very beginning, a playground can be rampant with pitfalls when you are trying to supervise an infant AND a very active toddler.

There are a few criteria to consider before taking on a playground with your Bunch.  This list may seem overwhelming at first, but trust us - after awhile you will be able to evaluate the potential pitfalls of a new playground from the comfort of your vehicle, so you can decide if it's even worth unloading your crew.  A few factors to consider:

-Age appropriateness of  equipment.  Yeah - we know your toddler is a daredevil who prefers to be on the equipment designated for 5th graders.  No matter how agile he is (and believe me, I know - my oldest was SpiderMan in diapers), it is not safe for him to play on this equipment when you could become distracted at any time by his younger sibling.  When you've got your Bunch on your own without dad's backup, stick to the toddler park if your Bunch is under 3.

-Ground cover.  Few playgrounds have concrete anymore - if you find one that does, skip it.  Steer clear of gravel, which is a giant pit of choking hazards when your kids are very young.  Wood chips are OK until your baby is old enough to shove them in her mouth.  Sand is usually fine.  Rubber surfacing is great - just be sure the day is not too sunny so your little ones don't burn themselves crawling on the surface.

-Proximity to street.  Our city has an awesome playground with rubber surfacing and age appropriate equipment.  Too bad is literally yards from the city's busiest street and only half of it is fenced in.  Clearly, none of the city's Parks and Rec planners have children.  Your Bunch can probably run faster than you can.  Save yourself the stress and find a park set a good bit back from the road.

-Crowds.  Is the park frequented by other people with small children or are there lots of school-aged big kids that will run roughshod over your kids?  Is the park typically very crowded?  Is it easy to keep track of your kids?  Which brings us to a related point...

-Visibility.  Is the equipment laid out so that you can see your kids at all times?  Or is the playground so big that they can slip from play area to play area without you really seeing them and get lost?

-Water hazards.  Kids are drawn to water like moths are to flames.  If you're on your own with the kiddos, might want to steer clear of that park with the sweet little creek running through it.

-Restrooms.  Available?  Clean?  Potty training toddler - need we say more?

-Shade patterns.  Babies and toddlers get overheated fast.  Look for shaded playgrounds or unshaded ones for the winter months which may give you a bit more warmth in the cool late afternoon.

-Remoteness.  As a mom with very young children, you do not want to be in a remote area alone with your kids.  Our city has an awesome toddler park set back in the woods.  And they use county prisoners to do trash pickup there.  Again, someone in the city left their thinking cap at home.  We prefer to visit this park in groups and steer clear of it on days we are playing by ourselves.

There are a few pieces of gear you need to have on hand for your playground visit, especially if you come with a baby who is not yet mobile. Make sure you always have a blanket (so you can spread out over the mulch, sand, gravel so your baby can sit/lay and watch), a stroller and some kind of carrier. You need hands to supervise your toddler as he tries to leap off some ledge or in case he needs to be rescued from a slide.

Hopefully these tips will spare you some of the agony we endured trying to scout out the perfect playgrounds for our Bunch. Select your playground strategically, and it can be tons of fun for you AND the tots.  Happy playing!

(If you live in a particular area and know of some great Baby Bunching playgrounds or ones for Baby Bunchers to avoid, chime in here and let others know. With enough here we can start a list!)

perfect vacation spot for baby bunchers: azul beach hotel

By Kristen Chase, Motherhood Uncensored

Last month, my husband and I packed up our brood of three under four (Quinlan 4.5, Drew 2, and Margot 3 months) and headed on our first vacation in years. With the weather being unseasonably cold in Atlanta, we figured if we were going to chase our kids around for a week, we might as well do it on a white sandy beach with a drink in our hand. And since my husband being a pilot, destination wasn't really cost prohibitive, so we decided to head South of the Border to Mexico at the Azul Beach Hotel on the Riviera Maya, Cancun.

With only a 2-hour plane ride to endure and a short 20-minute ride to the resort, the Azul Beach Hotel is a small, gourmet inclusive resort that truly caters to families. And when I mean truly, I mean that my husband and I only packed two carry on suitcases, two carry on backpacks and my daughter's suitcase, all of which we stuffed in the overhead bins. I don't necessarily recommend doing it, but since we fly standby and really hate waiting for baggage, we did.

We arrived to a couple of glasses of champagne, smoothies for the kids, and a hotel room stocked complete with a crib, changing table, baby bath, bottle warmer, baby monitor, and mini bar (included in the fee). 24-hour room service (including baby food and drinks - yippee!) was only a phone call away.

Along with gorgeous beaches and clear blue water, the resort itself has plenty to offer families, including three ala carte restaurants that offered an amazing selection of foods and beverages and attentive service. They always brought the kid's food out first and helped us pick up dropped napkins, silverware, and everything else that comes with eating with two kids. During the day, my daughter headed to the Kid's Club where she and a few other kids her age enjoyed a range of fun activities. Meanwhile, my toddler played with the little kids on the beach as I alternated between eating fresh fruit and quesadillas chased with Pina Coladas and snoozing on the beach beds with my infant. At night, we booked the sitter for a couple of nights so we could eat alone. We ordered the kids popcorn and room service, popped in a dvd (available at the concierge) and headed to the adults only Tequila Bar.

We never thought that vacationing with our bunch could be so easy, and while we did turn in early on a few nights, we found that we really did get a chance to renew and relax, mostly thanks to the awesome hotel.

Here are a few things that really helped:

a) Get your passports taken care of way in advance. Ours came pretty quickly, but tackling our bunch (especially the infant who we had to take to Sears Portrait Studio) was challenging.

b) Choose a destination that's close. Anything longer than 3-4 hours in a plane can be tough and it's not fun dealing with jet lag. We found that the plane ride wasn't as bad as the aftermath - getting bags, going through customs, loading into the limo, and riding thto the hotel. So stop in the airport and grab some food, or pack some.

c) Pick a place that's all inclusive or at least doesn't require car rental, stroller, and tons of equipment. The hotel offered plenty of activities on and off site, but we decided there was plenty to do (hello a beach!) without having to leave. The kids weren't bored ONCE.

d) Pack light. If you pick a resort like Azul Beach, you don't need to pack anything except diapers and wipes. And if you do run out like we did, you can pay for someone to deliver them from the local Pharmacy. It wasn't as expensive as it sounds.

e) Pack strategically. We used a reusable cloth diaper for my son that we could rinse out so that we didn't have to pack swim diapers. I also bought a breastfeeding tankini and a few breastfeeding shirts which made lounging on the beach with my exclusively breastfed daughter super easy. The UV/UVA water sling saved my life. I wore it non-stop.

f) Make sure they've got a kid's club or something similar. Our daughter had a blast and if your kids are all over 4, you'd have the whole day to yourself.

g) Use the babysitter. It's amazing what eating alone and not having to scarf down cold food can do for the psyche.

h) Have fun. Even naptime was a vacation for us because we sat by the pool with the baby monitor and sipped Margaritas.

expressing real twibling love

My kids’ love for each other is often understated. There are gestures or words spoken that show each one loves the other. And most often it’s my daughter making the gestures. This morning when my daughter left for school, he was convinced he had to go as well.  One morning a week, I am fortunate to have three years all with my son. As you may know from previous posts, I consider this a wonderful blessing. I still feel guilt from the early days when my older child was pushed aside while I was pregnant or dealing with a newborn. He never got his 1:1 time. So I relish these moments.

This morning I was looking forward to an “all Alex morning.” At breakfast he decided he was going to school with his sister. Even with all the explaining of why today wasn’t his day, he still felt it was important to go with her. He got dressed, put on his shoes, grabbed his bag and sat waiting at the door. When my husband took Anna to the car, Alex followed and got in. I had to physically remove him screaming from the car.

After 10 minutes of crying and sobbing about why he wanted to go, I begin to understand how he feels about his sister. He wanted to go to school with her. He wanted to see how her classroom looked and what things she had on her walls. He wanted to meet the friends that she talked about so much.

I finally agreed to talk to her teacher about coming in on day when he was home to volunteer in the classroom so he could come along. But to satisfy his immediate need for an Anna-school fix we dropped in extra early for pick up. And believe it or not, he was genuinely interested in her class. He looked at everything on the walls, the things in her cubby, and the toys in the bins. He didn’t play with anything. He just wanted to get a feel for her world.

When the class was released, he was almost ecstatic to see her (never mind that we’d just finished a weekend where he spent two whole days with her). On the ride, they were both amicable. During lunch they shared details of the morning. During rest time, they rested together.

No worries as they’re back to wrestling each other, but at least I had this glimpse into his heart to find out his true feelings for his sister.

(Twiblings is our phrase for siblings close enough to be twins, but not quite.)

baby bunching bests

Here are this week's Baby Bunching bests. Food seems to be the theme with many of these posts. That sparks an idea for a food post for Baby Bunching this week as well. We have lots of new blogs on this list so check 'em out.

Maria writes a wonderfully informative post at The Alpha Mom Guide to Everything about how to keep your kids happy at the grocery store. No matter how many times I do this, I still feel I need the reminder.

Tricia over at Reston Mom has some great tips for avoiding food arguments in her house. This can be one of the most difficult things for Baby Bunchers since we're all just striving for peace in the house. But ultimately, no one really wants to be a short order cook all day long. Props to Tricia for sticking to her guns, especially during her final weeks of pregnancy with baby #3.

GeekyMummy over at The Hair Dog Chronicles has a great post about needing some guilt-free convenience food for her kids. 

Shell over at Things I Can't Say has a handy trick for taking the kids out for a meal. Drive through, order, pick up and go inside and eat. It's so much easier than corralling everyone while you wait your turn in line. I tried some form of this by calling ahead, placing an order, picking it up just to turn around and eat there. Saves time and headache. While you're over at her site, check out her post about staying calm. I really needed this reminder this week. She says her life is crazy with three boys under three, and her attitude is that while she can't always control things, she can at least control her reaction to the craziness.

Brenda over at Bunching Baby Batters just made her first solo outing with her Bunch. We always want to give props for this since it can be a bit daunting at times. 

Feener (aka Fiona Charles) who writes at MommyVents has a post up at nj.com about her attempt to find a part-time sitter. We wholeheartedly agree. Both Cara and I have managed to find our Mary Poppins and once you discover them, you want to do everything you can to keep them. 

Tara over at The Young Mommy Life writes about how every young mom needs a veteran mommy friend--one who can provide big picture insight for those experiences down the road. In turn, younger mothers (or those with young children) can remind veteran moms that kids grow up fast and to savor those precious moments.