We received this question from Baby Buncher Nadia.
Q: We are expecting #3 in a couple of months (yikes!) and will be moving our 18-month old to his 4-year old brother's room for them to share.We had always planned on our kids sharing a room, but now that the time has come, I'm freaking out a little. We want to transition them ASAP so they have time to get used to it, BEFORE the baby comes.
We purchased a crib for the 18-month old from IKEA since we don't think he's ready to be "free" and we're not ready for that yet either. However, now that the crib's assembled, and we put the mattress in, he's pretty much almost able to climb out of it already, which is not the case with his crib in the nursery. I don't know if it's because of the way IKEA cribs are designed (lower to the ground than traditional cribs), but we are at a loss as to what to do. We are probably going to return the traditional crib mattress and get an IKEA crib mattress, which I understand is thinner, to give us a couple of extra inches. He hasn't actually climbed out, but it's really only a matter of days with the current mattress.
Here are my questions:
1) How to introduce him into the new bed. do we have him fall asleep in his old crib and transfer to the new crib to get around the "urge" to try to climb out until he gets used to the new crib and hopefully forgets to try to climb out? Or just put him down when he's so sleepy that he doesn't have the energy to try? I can't even fathom converting the crib to toddler bed...it's too much to bear! The 18-month old
is a feisty one!
2) Do we start with nighttime sleep or daytime naps?
3) What do we do about one waking the other up in the morning? Is there any way around that or are we doomed? The toddler has lately been waking up between 6 and 6:30 while the 4-year old wakes up around 7 am. I'm afraid that he'll start waking up his brother, which will make him sleepy and grumpy.
4) What about overlapping naps? For example, the toddler naps at around noon, for between 2 and 3 hours, while the 4-year old usually goes down between 1 and 2 pm, for about 1 to 2 hours. The little one is bound to wake up before his older brother. What to do? And the 4-year old DEFINITELY still needs his naps.
A: First let us say congratulations on baby #3. Let me address the IKEA crib first. We had one of those temporarily and I would suggest you put the new baby in that instead. Those beds are shallow and new baby won't escape, but yes, your 18-month old might.
1) We recommend leaving your baby in his crib as long as you can, especially if already have two cribs. It's not just a safe place for him to sleep, but also a safe place to put him if you need to take care of something with the new baby.
2) I would recommend starting with bedtime in the new room. Kids are sleepier then and once the light is off you have a better shot of everyone actually sleeping instead of playing/talking.
3) As for the kids waking each other up, this is probably inevitable. But something that will probably adjust after some time. Your best bet might be to use a white noise machine to help drown out noise from the other child--whether it's just waking in the morning or waking in the middle of the night. You might also work on putting your oldest to bed earlier if it seems like he's really tired from waking too early.
4) With the napping, I would suggest putting your oldest to bed in another room. My kids LOVE when they get to sleep in my bed at naptime. So just set up a routine where he gets to nap somewhere else so that everyone keeps his midday sleep. You might think about tweaking their nap schedule some so you get them down about the same time if you decide to keep them in the same room for naptime. Then when your older one wakes up first, you can just tell him to sneak out of the room and come find you. It gets harder when the older one decides to give up the nap and he still needs "quiet time." That generally doesn't work well in the same room so perhaps the seperate room (for naps) might be your best best.
The first night will be the most difficult and maybe even the first week. You're smart to start this process now before your new baby arrives. I'm sure our readers will have lots of additional advice on this one.
(If you have a question for Baby Bunching, please email us at [email protected])
I'll have to remember this. Our girls will eventually share a room, too!
Posted by: Krystyn | Feb 19, 2009 at 05:02 PM
If it helps, we have the same Ikea crib (I think, the blue one?) with the Ikea mattress and my son has been able to climb out of it for months (he turned 2 in December). We got a crib tent from BabiesRUs and it almost doesn't fit the crib but we made it work. After the first night or two, he was used to it and we can sleep knowing he's contained.
Posted by: Casey | Feb 19, 2009 at 06:56 PM
We have our boys in one room and the girls in another. The girls are 2 years apart and the boys are 5 years apart. (We have book end boys). My older son slept in with girls until the baby was about 18 months old. My older son is a heavy sleeper. I think that happens with so many kids. He pretty much sleeps through his younger brother getting up earlier than him. My older son is allowed to read with a book light for a little while at bed time. It helps us to put them all down at the same time. He's usually not quite ready to sleep yet. We also have a few books and toys in the room for the little guy and he's pretty good about playing quietly for a while when he wakes up. I would put them down in seperate rooms for naps. It will make your 4 year old feel like he's special. You can also let him know it's a privelage that big brothers get to be able to nap in your room. I would definetly put the baby in the lower crib. For one, your 18 month old is familiar with the other crib. Also, you don't want to have to worry about him climbing out and hurting himself. We moved our kids to IKEA beds without the legs before they were 2. I didn't want to buy another crib. My daughter slept in the pack in play for a while. She was only 16 months old when the 4th came along. She wanted to be in the big bed like her sister. I would just make sure that he feels like the new room is his too. I changed the bedding and curtains for my boys so that it became the boys room and not just one room that the other moved into. It might be rough for a few nights, but I find most things are better after the 3rd night. Good luck.
Posted by: Jennifer Rider | Feb 19, 2009 at 08:47 PM
My little boys share a room and unfortunately they do wake eachother up in the morning. Although, there are great benefits that I haven't seen mentioned. They are great company for eachother. Just the other night the twenty-month-old cried out and my three-year-old called out "It's okay Andrew, I'm here for you!" Priceless. They adjust and honestly, they don't alway wake eachother up. Naps work fine, even staggered. I've worked to get the older one to just come downstairs when he wakes up instead of calling me. All in all, I think that the bigger the family the more the other children will adjust and cope with the living arrangements.
Posted by: Erin Miller | Feb 19, 2009 at 11:05 PM