Since we’re on the topic of one-on-one time, I thought I’d bring up another person I tend to unintentionally neglect: my husband. His one-on-one time obviously went out the window with baby #1. Just as was getting the hang of the parenting gig, he got me knocked up again.
Baby Bunching can put a strain on your marriage. But you already knew that, right? Even this Parents magazine article mentions it.
My husband is one who used to come home, make himself a beverage and sit down to read a book. Still somewhat able to do this with just the one kid, it all came to a screeching halt as soon as baby #2 came around. He would walk in the door and someone—sometimes me—was either screaming or crying. I would fling him a child and continue on with the evening, just grateful to have a second set of hands to hold someone.
In the early days, dates with hubby were hard. It was damn near impossible to find anyone outside of immediate family who would take control of our Bunch even long enough for us to grab a quick bite. I don’t blame them. A good Baby Bunching babysitter is hard to find. So we did the best we could of creating dates at home. We’d get the kids to bed early, order decent take out, get a movie and polish off a bottle of wine.
It wasn’t until my daughter was almost a year old that we felt OK about leaving the kids with someone other than family. It was our first overnight trip that really made it clear for us that we had to make time for each other. And while overnights are good because we all need that one-on-one time with man who shares our bed, sometimes it just difficult to find someone around who will take your kids for the necessary 30-hour getaway that’s needed.
This weekend since the in-laws were in town, we decided to give a day trip a try instead of an overnight. It was awesome. The best part is it’s easier to find people to watch your kids for several hours rather than an overnight. Even with my own parents, since my mother is sick, they don’t have the capacity to entertain kids all day, do the overnight duty, early morning chaos and another day of crazy. So this works well for us and gives us a chance to be together for longer than just a dinner.
Our day together started with shopping returns to the mall. OK, I know that’s not super fun, but then it meant we also got to do some shopping without little people around to comment. We enjoyed a nice long lunch—with drinks—at Legal Seafood. Then we took a four-mile hike through a nearby national park. It was nice to enjoy the falls and not have to hear children whining ‘how much farther?’ Then we hit our local town center area and pondered a movie, unfortunately there wasn’t anything during that window that interested us so we went for more drinks instead. The best part. We arrived home just as the in-laws were putting the kids to bed. So we didn’t have to do bedtime duty either. Bonus!
One of my new year's resolutions is to spend a little more time with my husband. Because honestly, it would be difficult to do this Baby Bunching gig without him.
Please share any tips you have for your one-on-one time with hubby.
Sounds like a wonderful day!!! Good for you!
Posted by: jess | Jan 07, 2009 at 05:31 PM
We haven't done this in awhile, but when he's off, we still have the sitter come during the day and we get breakfast or lunch out together.
Sometimes it's just way easier to manage rather than doing something at night -- finding a sitter for the special occasion (and when we've got both our kids home so it's more $$).
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | Jan 07, 2009 at 08:26 PM
We don't have family anywhere near us and our family comes for short visits, so we are screwed on the free babysitting deal. We were sick of paying a sitter $60 to $80 to come at 7 and watch Law and Order while our Bunch slept. So we started doing earlier dates on Saturday - like from 5 to 9 pm. That way, our babysitter deals with the hell of dinner, bath and bed while we re-connect over errands and an early dinner. When we get home, it's still early enough for us to watch a movie and crack a bottle of wine. Our sitter wins too, because she made money and it's still early enough for her to meet friends and go out and spend it. Like previous commentor, we have also done the daytime date too - did it last Friday. It was super glamorous - we went rug shopping and then knocked back margaritas, but at least we talked. So what if we were fighting over the rug?
Posted by: Cara Fox | Jan 07, 2009 at 11:17 PM
We have friends with kids the same ages as ours and have standing swap nights on Mondays and Tuesdays - I go to there house Monday will DH stays home, and one of them comes to our house on Tuesdays. The only rule is that the kids have to be in bed, but all our bunches are in bed by 7, so lots of time to get out and catch a flick or a bite to eat.
Posted by: Jac | Jan 08, 2009 at 11:32 AM