Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

is baby bunching bad for your brain?

I've recently posted on another site about the hell Atlanta private school application process that I am going through with my oldest child.  This process, which requires psychological testing, group and individual observations from the schools, and reflective essay writing on my child's learning style has been both anxiety producing and illuminating for me.

Last week we had a meeting with the psychologist on the results of my son's psychological testing.  Long story short, he is bright when he chooses to apply himself but "lacks focus and discipline" in learning.  Which we knew.  Because he is a five-year old boy.

As we were packing up to leave the psychologist's office, I joked with her that perhaps if we hadn't had so many children so close together, I might have had more time to work with him one-on-one and he  might be more focused and disciplined.  The psychologist looked me in the eye and said very seriously, "Probably so."  Which really pissed me off, at first.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I should just call a spade a spade here.

Baby Bunching does not allow for a lot of one-on-one time with each child.  It does not lend itself well to conducting supplemental activities that require undivided attention, like workbooks or flash cards.  At least not, very unfortunately, in the first five years of the child's life, which as we all know are the most important, developmentally speaking.  Baby Bunching also makes it difficult to be patient.   I'm embarrassed to admit that it led me to cut corners on simple skill building things like zipping up jackets and tying shoes.  When I am trying to get everyone out the door, it is easier to do it myself than wait so long for my oldest to zip up his coat that the youngest is freaking out in his infant carrier.

We do lots of reading, coloring, art projects, play-doh, mazes, and playing outside.  We do have some computer time, which my kids love.  We do have a ton of workbooks, which we scan/work on a haphazard basis based on people's interests (for example, they can only do math on a pre-K level, but my oldest works mazes on a 3rd grade level and my second son's love is connect-the-dots).  My oldest likes to cook, so he helps me make dinner.  But we never do science experiments, take nature walks, only occasionally play board/card games that require parental assistance, and we definitely don't have the kind of organized, curriculum for our "free time" that seems to be required for academic success these days.  There just isn't time - I'm lucky if I can keep everyone fed, cleaned, and entertained, more less educated.

I thought I was doing my kid a favor by giving him siblings that would be close in age.  Socially speaking, he's a prince.  But have I shorted him academically?   I'm curious about your opinions and experiences on how Baby Bunching has affected your Bunch, developmentally speaking.

giveaway winner

Thanks to Random.org we have two winners for the Clip n Feed Nursing Cover: Krystyn and Rachel O.  

We really enjoyed reading the stories. Funny how everyone's best one was on an airplane. Perhaps that warrants its own post. Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting.

buying a stroller: selection made

Back in November we took on the task of helping two moms pick a stroller. We did some comparisons and some research to help them out. One of them finally made her purchase shortly before Christmas. Jessica from New Jersey ended up buying a Phil & Ted E3. Choosing a stroller is a very personal decision. So much depends on what you do with your kids. The fact that she needed something easy to maneuver and one that would work "off road" since her neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks.  

I can't say that we offered her very much assistance. But I'm glad we could be part of her decision-making process.

Here's her story:

After finding out I would be expecting my second child when my son would be 15 months old, one of the first things I looked into buying was a double stroller.  For my day to day activities I use a Maclaren Triumph umbrella stroller and for walking/hiking I use a BOB Revolution.  I absolutely love both strollers and if not for needing a double would never buy another one.  However, a double stroller is what I need. 

I immediately started researching and asking friends of mine with two kids their opinions on doubles.  My criteria this time around would be to find one stroller that would work for both indoor and outdoor activity.  I also wanted something easy to maneuver, on the smaller side and not too heavy.  I knew finding something so versatile would not be cheap so my budget was around $400.  I had it narrowed down to two - Phil & Teds and the Baby Jogger city mini.  Both are excellent strollers but what it came down to was wheels.  I do a lot of walking and my neighborhood does not have sidewalks.  The wheels on the Phil & Teds are more of an all terrain so my decision was made.  An added benefit is the fact that the Phil & Teds can be used as a single stroller or a double so I will never need another stroller again!!!!

I am so happy with my decision and can not wait for the weather to warm up so I can start using it. 

baby bunching battles: equality and fairness

On a global scale, I am all about equality and fairness - social justice and all that good stuff. But in my own household, lately my Bunch has been making me absolutely NUTS over the equality issue.  Seems every time time I try to do something nice for one (anything from a snack to a treat at the store), the other one is there to point out that he, too, should get whatever "it" is.  Right down to the exact same number of Cheese Nips at snack time. 

I vividly remember playing the equality card with my own parents years ago, but I feel like the fact that my kids are A) the same gender and B) extremely close in age exacerbates the situation here.  Mainly because pretty much anything one gets (clothes, a toy, food, TV privileges, etc.) is pretty much both age appropriate and available in the right size for the other one.

Before I had kids, I always swore I wasn't going to be one of those parents that got suckered into buying two of everything just to keep everyone happy.  But now that I'm actually a parent (and therefore qualified to dispense advice about parenting) and my children have learned to "advocate" for themselves, I see that "those" parents weren't necessarily suckered.  They just want a few freaking minutes of peace and quiet and it is just easier to give in sometimes.

As with all parenting challenges, I know that I need to pick my battles.  Last week, when I bought my middle (truck loving, new/not hand me down - clothes deprived) son a turtleneck with trucks on it at Target, the oldest (who doesn't give two craps about trucks or turtlenecks) begged for one too.  I caved because they were on sale for 98 cents and I figured it wasn't worth the fight.  But just a few days later, I found myself making my second trip to the mall in two days because the oldest got a much-needed sweater for his private school interviews and the middle one was beside himself that I hadn't gotten him a sweater too.  And I realized that "picking my battles" means actually picking one sometimes and fighting it - not giving in every time because I feel sorry for the "slighted" child.

The reality is that the world is not a fair place.  It's also not a place where people are entitled to things just because their brother/friend/neighbor/co-worker got them.  These are the lessons I want to (gently and lovingly) impart to my kids - now I just gotta figure out how. 

baby bunching bests

First of all, I want to give a huge shout out to all our readers. It's because of you that this site has been doing so well lately. We've been generating so many hits lately from different areas of the world, and we're so appreciative to those who have passed along the word via blogging, emails, message boards, playgroups, etc. You have no idea how much we appreciate the traffic and the comments we receive. Please feel free to email us at [email protected] if you have questions or suggestions for topics.

And on praising our readers, here are a few Baby Bunching bests for this week.

Kate over at The Big Piece of Cake is an awesome writer and very honest about her life with kids 18 months apart (include a set of twins in there). This past week she has documented her days at home--one, two, three and four--alone with all three kids while her husband was traveling.

As Cara mentioned earlier this week, we are continually amazed by those profound Baby Bunchers. I recently stumbled upon AnyMommy's blog Is There Any Mommy Out There? She writes about being pregnant for the last time. She is the mom to two three-year olds (one adopted shortly after her son turned one--so they are almost the same age), an 18-month old and a fourth baby on the way. She writes a very profound essay about her "forced twins." I was very moved by her words and her spirit.

MamaNeena at The Adventures and Misadventures of Ubermom had me laughing out loud with her post on "The Quest . . . for the perfect way to lose the baby fat. I love the new use for the baby gate around the treadmill. Very inventive. 

We all have those forgetful moments. Did we remember the stroller? Do we have our keys? Are all the kids in the car? Casey over at Half As Good As You writes a very funny post about how fast food saved her family when she realized she forgot to turn off the car. 

MaryBeth over at Four Silly Sisters writes about how much things seems to change from one day to the next. One day she felt she "off to the nut house" and the next resulted in children "waking up on the right side of the bed."

And we'll end with a very nice haiku from Manic Mama at Life with Maggie and Ben.

the holy grail: overlapping naps

If you are new to Baby Bunching, it may seem impossible right now, but there is a way to almost guarantee yourself an hour of quiet time during the day. Not to complicate matters here, but your ultimate goal should be some time to yourself with no kids begging for food or fun. We call this the Holy Grail of Baby Bunching. You will most certainly hear the angels in heaven singing their praises when you get that last child in for a nap, look at the clock and realize you could possibly have some time to enjoy your lunch, check some email, get some work done, fold that laundry or even just stare at the wall.

How you ask? The first and foremost thing to do is write down both kids’ schedules. (This does mean you'll have to wait until your little one is actually ON a schdedule.) This might seem a bit Type A, but one Baby Buncher recommended mapping out their schedules on paper and comparing them. By doing this we were able to adjust meals and some nap times to get things to overlap.

When can I do this? Usually once your youngest is on to two naps a day this plan works. This unfortunately comes sometime after the "nap trap" phase so you'll have to be patient if it's too early for this right now.

Let’s look at a sample kids’ nap schedule.
Older Son (2 years old):
Napped from 12-2 p.m.
Younger Son (8 months):
Napped from: 9-11 a.m. and 1:30-3:30 p.m. (or hopefully more)

With this current schedule, you’d never leave the house or get a few minutes to yourself.

There are a few suggestions here and much of it depends on 1) what time your children wake up and go to bed 2) their temperament when tired. The easiest way to start adjusting this schedule is with the toddler.

While many toddlers are ready for a nap at 11 a.m., it’s often possible to get them down a bit later with some training. Slowly push back the naptime by 15 minutes every few days with 12:30 for naptime being your ultimate goal. If your baby naps until 11 a.m. everyday, you get everyone out of the house for a walk or one quick outing for some stimulation. See if you can work over a couple of weeks to get your older one going down later. Then work to get your younger one going down for that afternoon nap a bit earlier. It might be a short morning nap (yes, we’re talking about waking them up) or it could be a few days a week of stroller/carseat naps. If you can shoot to have your baby go down for his nap at 1 p.m. that gives you a chance at an hour and a half of quiet time. 

If you follow Dr. Marc Weissbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child regime of putting a baby down every two hours you can make the schedule work to fit your younger child. For example: my youngest would wake at 6:30 a.m. every morning (and still does). I would get her down for a nap at 8:30 a.m. and let her sleep until 10:30. Ready and waiting at the door with full diaper bag and car running, we'd hop in the car and go somewhere…anywhere! We would either have lunch out or race home for a quick bite and then nap (going down somewhere between 12:30 and 1:15).

Naptime order went depending on who was the most tired. Anna required 20-minutes of nursing before her nap so sometimes I would put her Alex down first and then deal with her baby or sometimes I'd let Alex play happily in his room, while I put her baby to bed. With both kids in bed for sure by 1:30, I could usually get almost two hours of time to myself. By 3:30 or 4 p.m. everyone was up and rested, including me.

Getting stuck in the "nap trap" can be difficult, but once your kids are all on a schedule that you can play with a bit, you've got a little wiggle room to help ensure most days you'll get a mini break.

Let us know if you have some 'tried and true' tips for getting your kids' naps to overlap.

great places to visit with baby & toddler

[Note: Parts of this post ran on Rookie Moms]

When deciding on an outing for your Baby Bunch (aka children less than two years apart), there are a few things to keep in mind to increase your chances that everyone will come home happy, or at least not miserable. There are three main things to consider when planning where to take your bunch. These include: 

-- A place that’s easy to keep a watchful eye on everyone—This can mean everyone is corralled in one place or a wide open space big enough where you see everyone at the same time (the triangulation method). Chuck E. Cheese is NOT one of these places.  Keep in mind that the corral set-up is definitely preferable if you expect there will be crowds.  Corral with an armed guard at the door.

-- A place with an easy exit strategy—By exit we mean you can quickly make a mad dash back to the car to take everyone home in the event someone melts down.  Another key component to “easy exit” is free or low cost – this way it doesn’t matter if the trip is a bust and you have to bail 10 minutes into it.  You’ll be much more likely to cut your losses if the time/money investment was low.

-- A place that is safe—There are tons of places that are safe for toddlers or safe for babies. But it may not be fun or safe for the other one. A playground with mulch may keep your two-year old busy for hours, but may not be the best idea for your 10-month old who now puts everything in his mouth. And while sitting in the shopping cart at Target could be great stimulation for your 10-month old, watching your toddler try to climb out of the cart yet again, will scare you to pieces. 
 
We’re sorry to inform you that if you are in your first couple years of Baby Bunching, places like the library and your favorite coffee shop may be off limits for a while.  Here are a few “safe” alternatives to consider:

--A friend’s house—This by far the safest and easiest place to frequent. Friends are forgiving and will usually baby proof as needed without so much as a blink. You can nurse and use the bathroom and maybe even grab a snack.

--An indoor gym—Do your research on these before you go. Those filled with moon bounces might be hard if your kids are really little, but some have baby play areas where you can keep a close watch on your toddler.

--The mall—If you’re not actually doing any shopping, the mall can be a great place to take your Baby Bunch with ample food establishments to meet everyone’s needs (aka McDonalds), usually a play area for kids, and lots of stimulation for both toddler and baby. Best of all, it’s free because there will be ZERO opportunity to get any shopping done with your bunch in tow.

--A park—Playgrounds and park areas are perfect, depending on the setup (see our recommendations above). By bringing a picnic you can really have the best of all worlds. But do note that playgrounds are age specific, and if you have two under two, keeping with younger playgrounds and easier play structures means you have less safety issues with your kids. As a bonus, you might even meet a few other moms with kids as small as yours.

--A farm—Depending on where you live, a farm might be a harder place to find, but anything with animals is good. A zoo can be overwhelming, but a small public farm can be great for little kids. Horses, cows, rooster, rabbits, tractors have potential for big time fun and animal noises as well.

review + giveaway: clip n' feed nursing cover

Those who know me, know I really struggled with breastfeeding my first child. When my second came around, I was determined to make it work. And we did--for five months. Until breastfeeding in quiet and total darkness got to be too difficult for everyone.

I must admit to never using a nursing cover with either kid. I grabbed the biggest and most breathable blanket to take with me. But I watched a friend using this Clip N' Feed cover a few months ago. It took a very clever mommy to come up with this concept. 

What I like about this cover: It has clips, and ones that can be removed to use in different locations on the cover. I also like that it's big so serves multiple purposes. Not only can it be used to make breastfeeding more discreet and comfortable for mom, but it can clip to the stroller, the car seat or even the cart to keep the sun out of baby's face.  And I love that it also comes in blankety material, which means it can double as an instant floor mat or burp cloth (preferably not at the same time...but you never know.) I also love that these come in a beautiful assortment of colors and they are all made here in the US. Yay!

What I'm still not sold on: Why are these needed? I think blankets do a good job doing the same thing. Babies, generally, are not thrilled with eating under a cloth anyway, but I guess you can't stay home all the time and if this makes you feel better about it, I like this one. I don't know if I would run right out and buy this for myself; however, I would purchase this as a gift for a new mom....especially a new Baby Bunching mom.

I do have two to giveaway--one in the butterfly pattern and one classic blue blanket.

Just leave a comment here by Jan. 26 with your best nursing-in-public story--where you did it, what people said, how you felt, or just how you let it all hang out. Please let us know if you use a cover like this and what you think about them. We'll randomly select two winners.

the wintery mix does not include baby bunching

What does not go with snow, ice and boots? Baby Bunching, that’s for sure.

My first nine months in Sweden....were also my first nine months as a Baby Bunching mom. We didn’t see ground from Christmas Day until mid April. (And I am totally not exaggerating.) Stockholm was hit with one of the hardest winters that year—lucky for me—and while I was adjusting to life as a Baby Buncher I was adjusting to at least a foot of snow. Nothing beats juggling two under two in icy conditions.

What prompted this post was an article I just finished reading in Wondertime magazine: “Out cold” by KJ Dell’Antonia. The first thing that had me reminiscing about our snow days was this quote from her article “For the potty trained kid, we save everyone a lot of grief with two rules: Pee first and wear a Pull up. (An accident in a snowsuit is a total day ender).” Amen to that! Besides the regular dealings of getting kids dressed in coats, hats and mittens just to go to the store or pushing a double stroller through slush, snow and ice, the worst is when a fun snow outing goes bad due to a potty accident.  Only for our house, donning a snowsuit was a sure way to fill a diaper. Seriously. I would see Alex hiding in a snow pile, quietly eating the snow (Swedish snow was fresh daily that year so I let him do it) only he’d emerge from the pile with his own pile. Super fun. Because nothing is more fun than dragging everyone back in for a diaper change five or ten minutes after you just came outside.

But even simple tasks like getting a jacket on an 18-month year old can get tedious, especially when you’re also having to dress a newborn for the cold. Luckily, my baby never protested much. But with my son, every time the jacket appeared there was a fight and for weeks we went through this fight. Nevermind that it was below zero out, he persisted anyway.

And the stroller, thank God my stroller had all-terrain wheels on it because it was damn near impossible to push those kids through snow in my handy dandy lightweight stroller.

The one thing I did learn is that just because it's cold and snowy doesn't mean you have to be confined to the house all the time. Although, I will say it is harder to get out and enjoy it when it takes so long to get everyone ready for it.

For those of you who deal with the snow as Baby Bunchers, my fleece hat is off to you. Check out the article if you can. But I would love to know how you deal with the day-to-day of snow/cold and Baby Bunching. Our family ended up leaving Sweden by the next winter so I never had the chance to use what I had learned the first time—except for the five days of snow we had here in Northern Virginia.

profound baby bunchers

One of my great regrets in life right now is that I don't have more time to regularly read the blogs of my fellow Baby Bunchers (Linda gets all the credit for Baby Bunching Bests!).  On the too-rare occasions that I can pop in on your lives, I am always buoyed by the stories of the antics of your children (most of which sound all-too familiar) and proud to be in the company of such an amazing group of women.  Not only are you great moms, wives, daughters, friends, and workers, you are talented writers who frequently offer profound insights into life's ups and downs for me.

One of the few blogs that I do follow regularly is uber Baby Buncher Ellyn at Profoundly Seth.  I "met" Ellyn through this blog and her story immediately resonated with me for several reasons:

• Her youngest son, Seth, was born just days before my youngest son.  Ironically, "Seth" was one of my top name choices for my son, as we knew we were expecting our third son and in the Bible, Seth is the third son of Adam and Eve.  Couldn't get hubby to agree, so we ended up with a Joshua instead, but I remain a big Seth fan.
• Further, little Seth is profoundly deaf and is in the process of preparing for a cochlear implant.  I myself have a severe hearing loss (categorized just shy of profound) and am this close to being a candidate for an implant as an adult - not a decision made lightly.
•  Seth's older brother Eli was stillborn and would have been two in a few months.  Ellyn very honestly and articulately shares her emotions about both Eli and Seth with her readers.  Her generosity in sharing this window into her soul found its way to me in a very difficult time in my life when I was grappling with the loss of a very close friend's newborn son (also a third boy), shortly before mine was born.

Today I received an email from Ellyn about a fundraiser they are conducting to raise money for Seth's implants, which they hope to get in May before he turns one, since that's when they offer the most benefits.  With this surgery, Seth has a chance to start kindergarten in a mainstreamed classroom someday.  Insurance partially covers the cost of the roughly $80,000 per ear surgery, but Seth's family must raise the rest.  As Ellyn notes, "We think Seth is perfect just as he is, but we also want to give him every opportunity in life, and this is an amazing one."  If you're interested in supporting Seth's fundraiser by purchasing a $5 bracelet, check out his blog. I hope you'll also join me in supporting this loving and faithful family through prayer.