baby bunching battles: breastfeeding

I am the first to support a breastfeeding friend.  I will join her in scorning the hospital nursery's (or well-intentioned grandmother or babysitter's) attempts to fill up a baby with formula.  I will sit next to her while she nurses in public and deflect irritated glares, defending her right to nurse anywhere, anytime.  I will champion her right to take time out of the work day and pump.  When she is experiencing supply problems, I will applaud her efforts to pump and mix whatever breastmilk she is able to pump with formula, since some is better than none.       

I will also be the first to support a friend who needs to end a toxic breastfeeding relationship.  I've listened to many a friend sob over supply issues, latch issues, suck issues, time issues, and more.  I've told them time and time again that breastfeeding is only "best for baby" if it's working for both baby AND mom.  And moms have a tendency to try to hang on to it a lot harder than babies do.

I definitely consider myself pro-breastfeeding, but not at the expense of mom's (and the household's) sanity.

So why is it that I can't follow my own advice?

Many Baby Bunchers agree that breastfeeding, even if it went smoothly the first time around, is one of their biggest battles when it comes to the second babe in the bunch.  For me personally, it was a breeze the first time around, including the weaning process.  The second time was a nightmare.  But my kids were 17 months apart and my oldest, while a textbook baby, was NOT an easy toddler.  But when it came time to breastfeed my third (and non-bunched) baby, I was determined to make it work, thinking I was just a victim of circumstances the second time around.

Yet, here I am again.  This baby has reflux, which adds a whole 'nother dimension to feedings.  I am in the vicious feed/pump/supplement cycle where you're never really sure how much baby has had to eat or if he is full.  And, of course, feeding issues lead to sleeping issues.  And sleeping issues lead back to feeding issues.  And in between, it's just a whole mess of crying and screaming from both baby and mama.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that I have two other kids off to the side that are subsisting on the Fruit Loops and milk they can make themselves while I spend an ENTIRE day trying to get ONE good feeding into their baby brother?

Clearly, the sanity of the mother and the household are at stake here.  So why am I hanging on to this?

Comments

[geekymummy]

Maybe you are hanging on because you know if you can just make it through these early days it will become easier. Maybe you look forward to having that wonderful breastfeeding relationship with this baby (maybe your last baby?)

It is is so tiring, how relentless breastfeeding is at first, you can't just 'take a break' for a couple of days to regroup, breasts must be emptied or milk supply will fall and mastistis set in, baby must be nursed or nipple confusion will set in. It is so exhausting.

Know that whatever you do will be right for you and your baby.

Is there anyway you can get some help (post partum doula, night nurse, friend, family member? Take care.

[morninglight mama]

I so empathize with you on this one (like most of the other posts here as well!). My third baby is almost a year old, and I've broken the golden rule already, and started giving him cow's milk last weekend (officially 14 days before his 1st birthday), so that I can filter out the remaining 3-4 feedings a day now, and literally nurse him for the last time on his birthday. (It sounds so dang awful in print, but there you have it.)

I could go on and on about my personal experiences here, but I don't think that's what you need, because my experiences are mine, and yours are yours. You need to do what is going to work the best for you and your baby. If you want to fight your way through this rough patch with the hopeful vision that this-too-will-pass, then that's what you do, and every mom with an ounce of compassion will support your decision, and hopefully you can find and get the support you need. (You'll get plenty of verbal support on here!!)

On the other hand, if you decide that this is just not the path that you want to take for yourself and your baby, then you get out there and buy yourself some baby formula, and you feel secure in yourself that you're doing this for your reasons to make life the best it can be for you and your baby right now.

It does suck (no pun intended) that it seems like it's not really a decision that you can go back on, because I know that as a mom, all I seem to do is second-guess every decision that I make sometimes. BUT... we're all just doing the best that we can. Whatever that happens to be for each of us.

Best to you!!

[Elizabeth Gallo]

I know how hard this can be. I have had supply issues with both babies, and with my second (13 months behind her big sister) we also dealt with tongue-tie. As we near four months, my supply is just about gone. Of course we are switching over to formula -- I will not starve my baby --, and although I have moments of beating myself up about it, I know it is okay. Think of all the adopted babies that never have breast milk and do just fine. Although I have gotten great information from lactation consultants after the birth of each of my babies, there is more to it than just "breast milk is best." The key is finding what makes you and your baby -- and your older children -- feel most at peace. The stress of continuing could be the most toxic choice of all. I'm sending you my support --

[Jen]

Like you, I had no issues breastfeeding my first except for acid reflux (which I read in a recent article that excess milk consumption by mom can cause reflux. Totally guilty- I think I drank 8 glasses of milk a day!). Yessir, breastfeeding was a breeze compared to what a lot of women go through... until a horrible infection set in. Two antibiotics and three weeks later, he would no longer latch on, and I beat myself up for months as I made bottle after bottle...

It's amazing the guilt we hold onto as moms. What good does it do for us? For our kids and our family? Your post was dead-on. Hang in there. I know you will make the right decision for you and your family.