Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

happy halloween from baby bunching

Because we're all out Halloweening.....all day--parades, parties, trick or treating, trying to get kids to nap between candy....this post will be brief. Happy Halloween from us!

baby bunching Q/A: the big boy bed transition

We received a question from Baby Buncher Laura in California who is moving her youngest into a big boy bed in the same room with his brother.

Q: I was wondering if you or anyone else in your group has an idea about transitioning #2 into a "big boy bed" when the kids are sharing a room. I'm afraid it will be a huge party every night.

A (from Cara): My boys were 2 and 3 1/2 and sleeping in separate rooms in a crib and toddler bed when we did this. We transitioned to the same room and big boy bed for both in one fell swoop. I was all prepared for battle, but it went pretty smoothly!  Now, that’s not to say that some nights we don’t have parties, but for the most part it’s ok.

The main things we did to prepare were:

• Shove the bed up against the wall on one side and buy a bed rail for the other side
• Remove most toys from the room (if you can)

We did leave a small bookshelf, and we had a really hard time with them pulling all the books off and trashing the room at night. So what we did was tell them that whatever books we found on the floor in the morning, we were going to take away and they would have to earn them back. It took several days of taking away books before they noticed their supply dwindling. Then, each morning the room was neat, they earned the books back a few at a time.

Our boys like the door to their room open and the hall light on when they go to sleep. We tell them that if they are goofing off and we have to come up, the first time we will shut the hall light off. The second time, we will shut the door. The third time we will lock it (with one of those doorknob locks on the inside). Needless to say, we only got to #3 once or twice (we came back and take off the cover after about five or so minutes and they went RIGHT to sleep).

The key to this technique is not to yell, argue, or explain when you do the consequences. Explain the plan, and when they goof off, just flip the light off – don’t say a word. If you have to go in again, just shut the door. If they have turned the light on, turn it off AND shut the door. It’s kind of along the same lines as 1,2,3 Magic. Now we all know siblings like to have a good time and some of my best memories growing up were of goofing off with my sister when we slept in the same room, so we try to give them a grace period of some amount of time (depending on how late it is when we tuck them in) so they can unwind a little. But when enough is enough, start implementing the warning plan.

(from Linda): My kids don't share a room at home, but when we go to grandma's house they do. I usually put my kids to bed at different times because they do a lot of screwing around, and not with toys just each other. Mainly because my youngest likes to be silly and my oldest really wants to sleep. I'll put the little one to bed first and get her settled and then sneak in the big boy. He thinks it's fun to stay up later than his little sister.

As with everything, it really depends on your kids temperament. We'd love to hear if anyone has some other suggestions for this.

6 tips to help bathe your bunch

Ahhh...bath time. For our household tub time always signaled the end of the day. If I could just make it until the bath water started running then we were in the homestretch, and I could usually endure the final sprint to the finish line. Bath time has its own pros and cons, but for some reason I never seemed to mind this activity as much as some of the other parental duties--probably because it was the next to the last activity of the day.

Getting everything organized and everyone bathed is still no small feat when you have two under two. And by the time everyone was out of the tub, and there were a few gallons of water to wipe off the floor, I was ready for lights to be out.
Here are a few helpful hints to make the routine easier for you and your Baby Bunch:

1. Bathe the kids together. Obviously when the baby is still super tiny this is probably not the best idea. Once your youngest is able to hold himself up a bit, move the baby bath tub into the big bath tub and put them both in at the same time. My youngest bathed in the baby bath (on the kitchen counter) until she was four months old. I would have actually given her a bath in the kitchen sink, but it was never clean by the time bath time rolled around. Why in the kitchen? Because it was next to the living room which had the TV. (Bad mommy!) Alex could watch a show while I dealt with her.

2. Have everything you need before you run the bath water. This is especially important if you're doing bath without help. Bring in kids’ pajamas, diapers, wipes, lotion, diaper cream, etc.

3. Designate a safe place to put everyone in the event someone has a meltdown. If you little one still isn’t sitting up, bring along a bouncy seat as well so you have some place for baby to crash if he freaks out before your toddler is ready to get out. Baby proof your bathroom well enough or let toddler roam the halls—don’t forget the close the gate—if baby is happily enjoying his bath. 

4. Make bath time productive. Once your bunch can play safely together in the bath tub and entertain each other, make use of your time in the bathroom. It’s a perfect time to work on your dental hygiene by flossing your teeth. Use the time to wipe down the bathroom (keep some Clorox wipes under the sink) or scrub the toilet.

5. Be flexible. As kids get older some become afraid of the bath. Both my kids went through a bath terror phase right around age 2. Don’t push it. If bath isn’t working for a child, just skip it for a while. But eventually, as odors begin to emanating from one your bunch, you will have to get the soap out. Changing up the time of day (perhaps the end of the day is meltdown time) or bringing some music into the bathroom, will change the mood for everyone.

6. Enjoy the cleanliness. Nothing is sweeter than little chubby faces poking out from the towel....even if they're screaming because it's cold.

it became 'our song': a CD giveaway

My son was two weeks old. I remember pacing the dimly lit nursery--the noisy room air conditioner barely audible. Alex was screaming and no one--not me, my husband nor my mom--could settle him. I ran and grabbed a CD a fellow Baby Bunching mom had given to me as a baby gift. She assured me it was one of the better baby music CDs out there, and as I put it in the CD player I prayed it would work.

He continued to scream and I started to cry. Until the song "It's Alright" came on, and its cricket sounds in the background finally calmed him down. It was like magic. He stopped. I don't know if it was the song or the way the song made me feel as I held him. But I stopped crying and he stopped crying and that become "our song."

I carried Sara Hickman's "Newborn" CD around the world with me--twice--when Alex was little. When I couldn't find a CD player, I would sing the songs. (This included a 6-hour plane ride.) Instantly he'd calm down. The entire CD is filled with sweet renditions of classic songs and some of Sara's own. We loved the CD so much that for Alex's first birthday, we bought her second children CD "Toddler," which was equally as beautiful for young kids. We actually listened to it in the car yesterday.

As soon as Anna made her appearance, I introduced her to the CD hoping this would again be the magical CD. And it was! She loved the songs but didn't make a connection with one particular song like Alex did, which was fine. I loved the idea that he and I had "our song." For her first year, we would listen to it as I nursed her late at night, and it still had some magical quality to it. Anna's song came around later and even at the age of three, I'm still singing it to her.

Because I'm so fond of the CD, Sara Hickman and I are giving away both the "Newborn" and "Toddler "CDs as a special Baby Bunching package. It makes a great gift for Baby Bunching moms since each child gets his own CD. A onesie with the child's name is included with the CD and will be sent from her directly. Here's what you have to do: Tell us about a special song you have with your child or one you had with your mom. I'll take responses by Nov. 3 and randomly pick a winner.

'two under two' twibling love

Sibling rivalry is a fact of life. I don't think it really matters if siblings are one year apart or 11 years apart. It's all part of the brother/sister gig. But when siblings are closely spaced, the rivalry in the early days can be tough when no one really gets the whole game. If you have a two-year old and the other is just crawling at 8 months, timeouts and the concept of "sharing" can be hard for either child to learn. You can't really expect much from an 8-month old and while you might think two is old enough to really grasp sharing....I don't think it is.

So what do you when you essentially have two babies trying to get along in the same house?

My kids didn't have an issue with getting along until my youngest became mobile. The mere thought that she might be able to touch one of his toys would send my oldest into a tailspin. And she did touch, not knowingly right away, but she soon learned how to push his buttons like the best of any little brother/sister.

When doing research for our book, I asked many people for their best tips on dealing with early sibling rivalry. Baby Buncher Tara (mother of four) gave me some of the best ideas:

Sharing (Baby/Toddler) If the older child wants a toy from the baby, teach the older child that he has to bring another toy to trade with the baby. The baby early on doesn't care what toy he has. The older child doesn't mind the "trade" because he just wants the toy. This teaches the older child that he just can't grab from the baby but he doesn't learn to resent the child because he was scolded for grabbing a toy. There will come a time where the baby cares, but this works really well in the beginning. 

Sharing (Toddler and Toddler/Preschooler) After that (when the younger does care) you have to work very hard (and it IS hard) not to interfere the siblings' fights, arguments, etc. unless someone gets hurt. If things are getting out of hand, ask the child who has the toy, "how many minutes until [the other one] can have the toy?" And then set a timer for those minutes. Usually the child picks something like "two minutes" and has no problem handing it over when the timer goes off.  If the child is older, and picks something outrageous (like 100), tell him to pick something more sensible or you will pick a number. It is important to let the child with the toy pick the number because he/she was playing with it first (as opposed to telling them when they have to hand it over). [Note: This is a good rule for playground/playgroup play with friends as well.]

But if the kids aren't getting along, even after the timers and negotiation, then what options do you have? Well, for some kids, timeouts are a pretty good consequence for not playing nicely. My son, while a very rambunctious monkey, would actually sit for timeouts. So by age two, he was sitting somewhere for the requisite two minutes (one minute for every year of the child's age). My daughter would never sit for timeouts. For her, we tried to put her back into her "timeout" spot over and over and over again. It was reminiscent of our cry-it-out days. She's relentless. So we usually ended up putting the toy in question in timeout.

Another solution, which worked well for us this week, is recommended by Baby Buncher Jessica. If the kids are fighting with each other, give them a time out together, under a parental watch. "Let the punishment fit the crime," she says. Then they each have to say something nice about each other. When we gave it go this week, Alex told Anna he liked coloring with her and she responded with liking that he's silly. And then went on to be BFF for the next 8 minutes.

I'm always up for hearing other ideas for dealing with "twibling" love.

*twiblings--silbings who are close enough to be twins, but not quite.

baby bunching bests

Here are the Baby Bunching bests for the past week.

Justice Fergie who writes at Mama Law wrote a very funny post at DC Metro Moms this week about going back to work with breastpump in hand.

Elizabeth wrote a great post about trying to get the second crib set up at home over the weekend. Weekends do seem almost as hectic as the week, huh? She has changed her blog name to Me and Les Girls.

GeekyMummy over at The Hair Dog Chronicles wrote about a sweet sibling encounter between her two kids.

Caitlin over at A Hen and Two Chicks (about to be three chicks!) wrote a great post at Being Savvy: Chicago with tips on helping you avoid over scheduling your kids. I found this helpful as I'm just about to sign my kids up for the "winter activities."   

and then they grow up

I picked my kids up from the YMCA babysitting today after a brief workout. It's always a mad dash to beat them to the door before they bust through and charge out into the parking lot at full speed. Yes, you'd think after four years I'd finally get this right. Nope, I still can't control my kids. But we had a brief interlude while my son hung on a child-size basketball net. He hung there stretched out. His feet just brushing the ground. And then I saw it.

He looked like a kid.

When you're in the throes of Baby Bunching, time often just passes you by because you're just trying to survive 'two under two.' Babies grow up quicker than they need to because now they're the older sibling.

Continue this post over at DC Metro Moms.

how baby bunching can save you money

I read a story on BabyCenter this about how to "slash your family spending." Loved it. But it made me laugh because I realized that being a Baby Buncher is an immediate what to save money.

• Look for hidden waste--Ok, we admit this might be one area where being Baby Bunching doesn't save money. There was a lot of hidden waste of driving to keep kids contained in the car--even if we weren't going anywhere. Cut my gym membership? No way. I need that to keep me sane.And for crying out loud, don't cancel your Direct TV or Netflix subscriptions - you need those to keep you busy on "date night" when you can't find a sitter brave enough to watch your crew.
• Watch those credit cards--In the early days of Baby Bunching, my credit card only was used for online purchases. I hardly ever shopped because kids were always with me. And even online shopping was curtailed because I was too tired in the after hours to do any shopping.  The bottom line is that less time to shop = less money spent!
• Plan low-cost family vacations--Vacations? If you're taking lavish vacations with two kids under two, we hope you're bringing along a nanny or an extra family member.
• Go co-op crazy--This is by far one of the BEST ideas out there. A dinner meal co-op means you only have to cook a few days a week. And a babysitting co-op is a must. We'll talk more about this in a future post. 
• Avoid restaurants--Ha! Please promise me I can avoid restaurants unless they contain a playground. This one's easy.
• Find cheaper entertainment-- Factoring in dinner, movie, and the cost of a sitter, an ordinary date night can easily fun upwards of $100.  Plus, it's often more of a hassle to get your bunch ready for a sitter than it is just to put them down earrly and have date night at home.  After they're in bed, get takeout and crack open a bottle of wine and enjoy a movie at home through Netflix or pay-per-view. You local library probably rents DVD's for free. What about girl's night out?  Meet at someone's house after the kids are in bed and have half the group bring a bottle of wine and the rest bring appetizers or desserts.  Or rather than hitting the town, host a Bunko or card game at someone's house for free!
• Become a smart shopper--Buying in bulk or even buying online. I swear by the virtues of Amazon when it comes to savings on diapers.  Same with buying groceries online. Who has time to load up the crew, drag them to the store, and browse?  I think ultimately you save if you buy online because you resist the impulse buys. Plus it cuts down on costs associated with bribing your kids to stay still/quiet while you're shopping. 
• Keep a tight rein on your budget--Cara has several close friends that swear by the "envelope system".  Both she and I prefer the "self imposed credit card limit" system, which means that we set monthly spending limits, put everything on our credit cards to track expenditures, and when we get close to the monthly limit we STOP SPENDING.  Period. If you can manage this, it's the simpliest form of "budgeting" and the bonus is it takes very little time.
• Put in the time--It's a tradeoff - saving money takes time. You don't have much time, but if you can find some it can pay off. Cara says that her system of coupon cutting and weekly menu planning around store sales saves her anywhere from $40 to $50 a week. That doesn't count the money saved on eating out because there is a menu planned for every night and ingredients sitting in the pantry, so she isn't tempted to eat out or order takeout. I, however, think that time converts into money so I don't do as much comparison shopping around as Cara because for me that's wasted time. Cooking from scratch takes time, but once you get a repetoire of easy-to-prepare family favorites, it goes a lot more smoothly. I try to buy pre-cut things and then go from there. It's still cheaper than eating out, but cuts my preparation time by quite a bit.  Double your recipes on the freezable stuff and stock your freezer for hectic nights where you normally would've been tempted to drive through. 

potty training your 'bunch': part 3

How to know if someone in your bunch is ready? My kids have gone through many 'windows' of being ready, and I think you have to take one of those and go with it. My kids never showed the typical signs like being dry all night long. But there was a point when they were dry for long periods of time. But generally I knew they were ready when they started talking about it more and more.

Child #1

Alex showed his first interest in the potty when I was 3 weeks from my due date with Anna. He was 15 months old. My mother assured me he could be trained. I think my response was a very serious eyeroll. First of all, I was about to have a new baby, and we were about 8 weeks away from an international move. So I opted to let this window of opportunity pass us by. It was a smart decision in the end, I'm sure.

His next window hit when he was about 18 months. After just moving to Sweden with my 2-month-old baby, my visiting father-in-law assured me he could be trained. I went out bought my trusty Baby Bjorn potty and commenced with the process. I failed miserably when I realized Alex didn't care if he was standing in pee or not. So I packed up the potty.

The next window didn't come until he was a little over two. We were visiting with my parents after just returning from Sweden. (Yes, another international move.) I again went out to buy another potty--the shittiest one around--to try the process yet again. Realizing this wasn't going to work on my mom's newly laid floors/carpet, we packed up the potty.

But I did seize the moment about a month later. We had just moved into our house and my son was befriending the neighors kid when he very proudly told the little three-year old, "I just poo pooed in my pants." I whisked his stinky bottom inside and decided that was it. A week later it was done.

Child #2

We learn when we got through this parenting game that every child is different. Anna immediately showed interest in the potty when I trained Alex. She was about 15 months. I thought training her would be a cinch. Not exactly. Anna was fascinated by the potty because Alex was using it. One might think this means she'd want to play our game. Yet again, not exactly.

She loved to talk about potty and pretend, but if you asked her to do it. She would scream. She would protest. She would become the anti-potty monster. She did this for almost a year. Though I never tried to push it with her like I did him. She was too dramatic about the whole thing.

Until one afternoon I found her changing...yes changing....her own diaper. Took it off. Got another. Open the tabs and put it on herself. The next day we started and within a week we were done. It was brutal and worse than Alex, but it was done. The good news with training #2: Sometimes your older child will actually help you out!

How did you know your child was ready? Or better yet, when did you know you were ready?

potty training your 'bunch': part 2

Continuing our potty training series . . .

So if you’re ready to start with the potty training, you need some essential tools. There are plenty of books out there on potty training. I found none of these to be helpful so if you have recommendations, please feel free to offer them. I didn't have time to read them, but I imagine there are essentially two routes to go: The die-hard-do-it-all-at-once method (involving heavy bribing)--which is my chosen method; and the probably nicer, better mom way to do it, which is to let child direct you. You decide.

Essential Baby Bunching Potty Training Supplies:

A Potty. There are about a bazillion potties out there. Ones that make music or talk. Some have a doll that pees with it. Some attach to your toilet. Why can't they make one that just potty trains your kid for you?

My absolute favorite potty is the Baby Bjorn potty chair. Both kids used it. We had several we tried and this was the only one that worked for my kids. I call it the 'magical potty.' I even loaned it out to a neighbor and guess what? Nothing worked for her until THIS potty came into her life. It's super easy to clean, and it seems comfortable to sit on it.

Some kind of portable potty. I never did this, but wished many time I had remembered to throw our potty seat into the back of the car. My kids were pretty good about going to the bathroom in public places. In fact, I think they loved to check out every bathroom out there. But many times we were at playgrounds and would have to make a mad dash to the nearest gas station. Alex would sit, sing and think about going while Anna touched everything insight. If you don't have a portable potty, just bring along the one you have with lots of wipes and a few plastic bags.   

Lots of underwear. And I mean lots of underwear. I think I bought 3 packs of 6 or 7 pairs.

Lots of bribes. Love bribes. For my son it was the only thing that worked. But my daughter could care less if pottying meant a piece of candy. The upside to this, especially with candy and juice, is it makes them have to go more. Candy especially will help them go more.

A going out strategy. I think it's easier if you're at home doing this, but you'll get cabin fever pretty quickly. So plan going out in between potty visits--kind of like when you made that dash out to the store after you nursed the baby. When you do go out, try this tip. Keep your child's underwear on and put a diaper/pull up OVER the underwear.

Spare clothes. Didn’t think you needed to stash a change of clothes anymore in a bag or your car? Now you do. A complete set is required to be close by. Plus, I would recommend a towel in case you need to dry someone off.

Things to keep your little one busy. Depending on his/her age find a new toy or borrow a few that will keep your baby busy while you deal with potty. I think eventually I just let my daughter sit down with an entire box of tissues and empty the whole thing out.

Please feel free to share your potty training stories. And stay tuned for Part 3....