Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

best places in the world to baby bunch

I remember my Baby Bunching friend Sandie (from Canada) saying one of the great things about living in Canada was the maternity leave. It enabled women to have their babies, take a year off, and during the maternity leave get pregnant again. While I'm not sure how sustainable that is to the American work ethic, where your job expects you to check in shortly after you popped out a baby, it is a way of thinking about how other countries view family. Seems to me in places like Canada, the "mommy wars" wouldn't exist in the same way it does here since mommies get the chance to have their cake and eat it too--work and be at home with their kids during the early days (ahem years).

After living in Sweden, I realized women there have the same philosophy as the Canadians. They have 16 months of maternity leave, which they can share with their husband, and many choose to 'bunch' another baby in during that leave so they're only off the career track for a little while. Wow, these ladies have mastered the art of Baby Bunching! So I started thinking, if this is a trend and women are getting on the Baby Bunching bandwagon in Canada and Sweden, I wondered where else?

So....here are an unofficial list of a few other countries in the world that offer the perfect leave structure for Baby Bunching. I'm not suggesting you start packing your bags (although I may after seeing a few countries on the list), just offering a perspective of other places that may be even more familiar with Baby Bunching. (Interesting, how several of these countries make super bad-ass double strollers. Coincidence? Perhaps not!)

[Note: Unpaid leave is "job-protected leave" meaning for most countries that you are guaranteed a job when you return at equal level and/or pay to the one you left. So they don't really have to hold your job, but they have to make room to give you one when you return.]

Canada--52 weeks (15 weeks maternity + 35 weeks for each parent). Only 35 weeks is paid, but the other 35 weeks is job-protected leave.

Denmark--offers 52 weeks

Finland--105 days at 80% pay, followed by share of 158 days with father. Unpaid job-protected leave until a child turns three.

France--16 weeks at 100% pay. Moms may share 104 weeks (2 years) of unpaid leave with father.

Germany--offers 14 weeks at 100% pay, including six weeks BEFORE the birth, then 12-14 months at 67% pay. Wow, baby bunching must be super popular in Germany!

Ireland--16 1/2 weeks of leave, plus an additional four months of unpaid leave for both mom or dad.

Israel--14 weeks, but up to one year unpaid protected leave.

Italy--22 weeks (5 months) at 80% pay, plus 2 months before the baby is born. Then dads may take an additional 13 weeks (3 months) at 80% pay. Both parents may take a maximum of 10 additional months unpaid leave.

New Zealand--14 weeks of leave, plus 38 weeks of unpaid leave.

Norway--54 weeks (12.5 months) at 80% pay or 44 weeks (10 months) at 100%. Mother must take at least 3 weeks immediately before birth and 6 weeks immediately after birth, father must take at least 6 weeks - the rest can be shared between mother and father.

Spain--16 weeks of leave, up to 3 years of unpaid protected leave.

UK--39 weeks (6 weeks at 90% of full pay and the next 33 weeks at a flat rate), plus up to a year of unpaid job protected leave.

(If I have missed a location or the information is not up to date, let me know.)

keeping up appearances - your house

Pretty much every Baby Buncher we know struggles with keeping their house clean -- even the ones with full-time nannies and cleaning services (yeah, they do exist and we are jealous as hell!).  Both Linda and I are firm believers in "re-setting" the house at the end of the day as a way of preserving sanity and starting the next day with a somewhat clean slate.  What does this mean?

1. Clean your kitchen.  There is nothing more depressing than trying to make breakfast with last night's dinner dishes in your way.  No matter how tired you are at night, get everything into the dishwasher and run it and then wipe off your counters.  Bonus points for sweeping your kitchen floor.  Notice we said "sweeping," not "scrubbing"!  Perfectionist tendencies, be gone!

2.  Pick up all toys in your living room and downstairs area.  We're not talking organizing.  Just shove them into a basket that is out of the way or has a lid, so it looks straightened.

3. Pick up/put away other clutter in living/dining/kitchen/other family living rooms.  Have a designated place for mail, keys, your purse, school bags, etc. so there is place to put this stuff that typically piles up on the dining room table.  Have a bin for shoes next to the door and have everyone deposit their shoes there when they take them off.  Pick up magazines, newspapers and anything else that might be lying around and toss or put away.

4.  Wipe off your dining table and sweep underneath it, if needed.

5. Lay out whatever you need for the next day on the dining room table or somewhere where you will see them.  This includes school notes/bags, re-stocked diaper bags,  grocery lists, bills to mail, Target returns, etc.  This way, when you are leaving the house in a mad dash in the morning, you won't forget anything critical for the day's activities.

Let the upstairs or bedroom areas go to heck in the early days.  As your kids get older, you will be able to add other things to your "re-set" list, such as fold a basket of clothes, wipe off your bathroom sinks, put away toys upstairs, etc.  But in the beginning, the main thing is to try to re-set your downstairs/main living area so that you don't start your day overwhelmed by mess in the area where you spend most of your time.

A friend of mine follows the Real Simple 19 Minute Keep It Clean Plan.  I follow a version of this that is modified to my house and cleaning priorities and it works like a charm.  Some folks also find luck with the FlyLady plan.  I personally found it to be a little overwhelming, but the fundamental concept is brilliant and can be tailored to your needs, so you might check it out.

I feel relatively on top of my house most of the time (more so since I quit working outside the home), but that's definitely not to say that my house is spotless.  I have just adjusted my expectations to reflect the fact that I have three children under the age of 5.

I can always use new tips and tricks, so share your favorites for keeping on top of your Baby Bunching headquarters!

baby bunching bests

This week's Baby Bunching highlights include:

Michelle at Mom Without a Map is over at Silicon Valley Moms blogging about breeding competitions. Is there a trend towards having larger families and is three really the new two? If so, we Baby Bunchers can get a leg up on the competition...

Susan at One Year Apart puts Linda's momtourage tips into action!

Casey over at Half as Good as You was having one of those days that we've all lived at one time or another. We all know what it's like when the toddler discovers he can scale the crib.

Jean at Stimeyland also had a hectic day this week, but documented it all hour by hour. It just goes to show you that even when they get older, it doesn't necessarily get easier.

deja' vu

As I unloaded the dishwasher this afternoon, I found myself negotiating with my daughter: "Sit down and eat your food. If you get up from the table again, I will assume you're done, and take your plate away."

I stop. Look up. And laugh.

Didn't I just say. Didn't I just have this discussion already? Ahhhh, yes. A year ago when my son was about the same age, we did have this same argument. Up and down from the table. Negotiating food and being seated and acting like a normal person.

I have found myself repeating the same sentences over and over again but to a different child a year later. The thing about Baby Bunching is you will find yourself right back in the same place again.

Sleep training. Yep. Potty training. Check. Starting solid foods. Of course. Biting. Yep. (May you be so fortunate to never have this problem.) Moving to a big bed. Sure. Time Outs. Probably. Begging your child to "use his words" or "not grunt for something." Yep. Everything you did with your first, will be done all over again a year or 18 months from the first time. You think it's part of your past when your older child finally learns that he must stay in his bed. But I assure you, you'll probably be right back there again with your own bit of deja' vu. 

baby bunching tip #6: preparing toddler for new baby

The question of how to prepare a young toddler for a new sibling came up in one of my mom's groups recently. One of the major pros to siblings close in age, is less of the traditional "sibling rivalry" you might find with those who grow up farther apart in age. Do I have any scientific data to back me up? Nope, but ask around and you'll find out.

When my daughter was born, my son was almost 16 months. His world consisted of his parents, his lovey, one nighttime bottle--I neglected to get rid of prior to baby, and a handful of favorite books/toys. His location didn't even matter since we were home from our overseas tour for three months and living in three different locations.

Enter baby #2. She was fun to poke and try and step on. It was fun to run up while she was sleeping in the swing and scare the crap out of her so she'd cry. Sometimes in the car, it was fun to throw things at her or scream so she'd scream. (Though I'm pretty sure my son figured out very quickly this was not a good tactic since he couldn't run away from her ear-piercing cries.)

We did little to prepare Alex for his baby sister. We had a few books about it, but he was really too young to 'get it.' Though he did enjoy trying to climb to the top of Mt. Pregnant Belly for a while. 

For many months, Alex didn't care whether Anna was in the room or not. She was just another extension to his mini-world--one that cried an awful lot. Then she started crawling and the real fun began. 

Tip: Do what you can, when you can, to educate your toddler about the impending arrival. Books and talking about the baby will help. In the end probably nothing will ever prepare your toddler--or you--for the changes that will occur.

product review: toddler bites

I am a sucker for gadgets, especially ones you use in the kitchen, and I happened upon a nifty one this weekend.   Toddler Bites are plastic cutting utensils that you can use to cut food into small toddler-sized bites that are easy for little fingers to pick up and little mouths to chew without choking.  Toddler Bites comes in three models - sandwich, hot dog, and banana cutters. 

I was first attracted to the hot dog cutter because my 3-year old still hasn't really mastered the art of chewing hot dogs properly, and I am always paranoid that he is going to choke. We used the cutter for the first time tonight and it was pretty cool in terms of getting the hot dog cut into just the right size pieces.  My only complaint is that the plastic blade wasn't quite sharp enough to cut all the way through the hot dog, so there was some touching/breaking apart of the perforated hot dog that had to occur after using the cutter.  Hot dogs really, really ick me out, so I was really hoping that this would be a completely touch-free solution.

In the sandwich arena, we tested our cutter on peanut butter and jelly and it made quick work of that.  Plus my kids were giddy with the excitement of the novelty of having their sandwiches cut into tiny squares.  I actually have been fairly happily using the Pampered Chef Cut N Seal product for sandwiches, with my only complaint being that it wastes half of the bread.  What I love about the Toddler Bites gadget is that it maximizes the amount of bread left after cutting off crusts AND cuts into bite-sized pieces, to boot!  Again, the cutter isn't super sharp, but on the bright side, for that reason it is kid friendly enough for a preschooler to cut their own food.  Not sure how it would do on a lunchmeat and cheese sandwich, but we also used it on banana bread and waffles and it worked great!

The cutters can also be used for softer foods like pancakes and cakes.  Definitely a handy tool for Baby Bunchers to have on hand!

the first time i knew i wasn't supermom

This is part of our "Writing Motherhood" giveaway. Go to your own blog and write (or just write in the comments section below) about a "first." Just write about a first for you. Don't be limited by rules on what you should or shouldn't write. Just let the thoughts flow. Come back here and link to your post in the comments section. We'll be giving away a copy of the book Writing Motherhood over at Monkey Business.

The First Time I Realized I Wasn't SuperMom.....(with a Baby Bunching twist, of course)

I was going to be that mom. The mom who could do it all. The mom who could keep the house in order, read to her kids, make homemade muffins, work out regularly, and manage to get make up on in the morning. After my son was born, I was pretty close to SuperMom. Of course, I did have a cleaning lady so that did help with the house part. I was working part time, making yummy food, trying to get back into shape. I had started on the road to being SuperMom.

Then I got pregnant.

Suddenly, just making it through the day took priority over just about everything else. The muffins stopped baking. The working out diminished. Cleaning just didn't happen unless Rose was there to do it. The laundry sometimes got done and sometimes not at all. Suddenly, I wasn't SuperMom. I was barely even Mom.

When my daughter was born, I decided it was time to rise to the occasion. I had two children now depending on me for everything--food, comfort, love, clothing. Perhaps now I could give the SuperMom thing another go. Obviously, I hadn't realized I still couldn't manage this. But I tried. I really did try. I had a schedule for laundry. I made what meals I could. I still worked part time. My house was almost always a disaster, but I had a system for making it look like I was together in a pinch. But I started to fall behind on things. I missed birthdays. I was last minute with so much. It was still about "just making it through the day." I didn't enjoy my kids because I was just trying to survive them. They were everywhere and if they weren't into things, they were hurting each other. Baking and cooking--what I used to love--was a chore now. Reading? I hadn't read a book in a year or even a newspaper for that matter. I started feeling like I was losing myself.

I was drinking too much wine after kids went to bed and hurting too much the next day. I was gaining too much weight from eating too much food since I wasn't sleeping enough at night. It was a terrible cycle. I had black circles under my eyes, it was hard to get up in the morning and face the day ahead.

And then we moved back home. I thought things would get better and it didn't. I took another part time job. My husband was trying to find a new job. I couldn't get boxes unpacked for months. The kids were still everywhere. We hated our house because it was too small.

At some point I realized. There is no such thing as SuperMom. I would never be that mom. No one is ever that mom. No mom can ever do it all. I quit working part time to be home with my kids full time. What "work" I did was writing for my blog. No commitment except to me. My husband took a new job. I realized the house would never be clean all at once. I realized it's OK to have dirty dishes in the sink. It's OK if the kids are left to play on their own for a bit. It's important for me to be at the gym and be healthy. It's fine to just leave things and go to bed early so that I'm ready for the kids at 6 a.m. Muffins can be made from time to time, but no one expects baked goods. Really, all that matters is the quality time with my kids. That's what being a mom is about. It doesn't mean it has to be hour after hour of fun. But when I sit down to play with them, if only for 20 minutes at a time, it needs to be "good" time with them. It needs to be super mom time.

and we have a winner...

for the "Sleep is for the Weak" giveaway. Thanks, Deena, (who has an 8-week old and 16-month old) for the great sleep advice.

No, my baby is still not sleeping, but I I did try many of the tips offered up and picked the one that got me closest.  I did not pick the one that involves me holding the baby for six months.  Sorry, Stimey.  (But I did pick a solution that involves a hint of Ferberizing, so don't think I totally discounted your advice.)

Update:  A week ago, baby was so tired he was just falling to pieces.  He was such a mess that we finally decided it would be mean NOT to let him fuss until he finally went to sleep (soothing and reassuring him every 10 minutes or less, of course).  Once he finally knocked out, he slept for 5 hours, got up and ate, and slept for another 5 hours.  Then ran like clockwork for the next 3 days - would wake, eat, play for about an hour and a half, then sleep for a couple of hours, going two five hour stretches at night.  YAY!  Problem solved, right?

Enter Visiting Grandmother.  She wanted to hold him 24 hours a day since she lives far away and only gets to see him every few months.  Which was super, as long as she was providing free babysitting for all three kids while my husband and I happily vacated the premises for date nights.  But now that she is gone and we are stuck with a de-conditioned, non-sleeping baby (again), it kinda sucks.

Back to square one.  Ugh.

baby bunching bests

We hope you all enjoyed last week's round up of our favorite Baby Bunching posts. If you see a favorite during the week, please pass it along to us as we are limited in the time we can surf and write.

Here are the highlights from the week. You guys are awesome!

First a big shout out to Steph over at Adventures in Baby Wearing. She just delivered her fourth baby (first girl) at home this week. Congratulations.

Michelle over at Mom Without a Map finally gets into the kitchen 50 days after having her third baby. Why? Because she has awesome friends who understand that as a Baby Bunching, after you have another child, no one wants gifts, they want food.

Jess over at A Bushel and a Peck is our hero for braving routine check ups at the doctor with all three of her kids. We can honestly say that no matter how "kid friendly" a doctor's office appears to be, they are pretty happy when us Baby Bunchers leave.

write about "a first"

Yes, in fact, we're having another giveaway. But rather than posting the rules on here, please head over to Linda's blog for the instructions. But here's the quick data dump. We'll give away a copy of Writing Motherhood to those who would like to do a little bit of writing. The catch is you have to actually write and post on YOUR blog. Come back here or here on Sept. 22 and post the link in the comment section. The author of Wring Motherhood, Lisa Garrigues, will be strolling about to read your posts. And we'll give away a copy of the book as well. By the way, it's a great book for those who really love to write, but need a little extra inspiration.

Write about a first: the first day of kindergarten, the first day of college, the first grandchild. Or simply begin with the writing start "the first time" and write down the first thing that comes to mind. I'll give extra credit to those who can write about a baby bunching first. The first time you lost your mind. The first time you cried. The first time you felt you just couldn't do this. The first time you realized your kids were best friends. The first time you figured out that you really could do this.