to bunch or not to bunch: that is the question

One of the questions I frequently get asked is, "Knowing what you know now, would you choose to Baby Bunch again?"

Let me preface this by saying that I NEVER intended to be a Baby Buncher.  Nor did Linda.  Before I had children, the only Baby Buncher I knew was my cousin (who also did not intend to be a Buncher - see a pattern here?).  Her kids were 20 months apart and honestly, I thought her life was way too crazy.  I wanted time to savor and enjoy each one of my babies. 

Enter Baby #1.  I had a (relatively easy) pregnancy, labor and delivery.  About 5 hours after he was born I remember thinking, "I could do this again!"  And he was the world's easiest baby.  Next thing we knew, by the time he was 8 months old, we were expecting his brother.

I'll be honest and say that the first year and a half after my second son was born was not easy.  Actually, it was pretty hellish.  He was NOT so much the easy baby.  And to make matters worse, easy Baby #1 had turned into a demanding, strong-willed toddler.  To make matters even more worse, my husband decided to quit his job and go back to business school to get his MBA.  I remember very little about July 2005 to the spring of 2007, including Baby #2's babyhood.  All in all, it was a pretty sucky two years.

During this timeframe, my Baby Bunching cousin became a beacon of hope.  Because she was still too busy to talk on the phone, through her mother (my aunt), I heard stories about how much easier things were now that her tots were 3 and 4.  How they played together.  How they were out of diapers, eating regular food, walking instead of riding in the stroller, etc. etc.  It gave me hope that one day, I too, would be able to pee uninterrupted and perhaps even finish a meal. 

Fast forward two years.  I am peeing uninterrupted and finishing meals!  Or at least I was, until I had another baby recently.  But I digress.  With a new baby in the house, my Bunched older two have been my saving grace.  They are built-in playmates, keeping each other entertained during nursing sessions or when we are stuck in the house so the baby can sleep.  Because they are so close in age (and both boys), they are interested in the same activities and can even be in the same swimming/gymnastics/art/music/soccer/etc. classes sometimes, which keeps me from running all over town like a fool trying to keep everyone happy in different activities.  They can now wear each other's clothes.   I am definitely seeing the payoffs!

So, knowing what I know now, would I do it again?  I think so.  As a friend who bunched all three of her kids (they are all a little over one year apart) put it, "Yes, it is crazy in the beginning, but it's a phase of your life.  It's just a few years.  It's not a lifestyle for everyone, but it worked for our family."   Baby Bunching worked for us.  My boys are best friends for life, and we've just added a third brother to the mix.  He is spaced far enough from the second (three years) that I am able to savor his babyhood, but he will still be relatively close in age to the others.  For our family, it has worked out nicely.

I'm curious to hear what others think.  If you could go back and do it all over again, would you Baby Bunch and why or why not? 

Comments

[feener]

i had the same experience, easy birth for first easy baby, then baby 2 was colic and horrendous and baby 1 was a VERY demanding toddler, i too was in HELL. i bunched b/c of my age, 36 when i delivered my first 38 when i delievered my second. i would probably give myself a bit more space, they are 25 months, i might have moved it to 30 months if i was younger. but i do like the age closeness when older, i had a 4 year gap with my older sis and a 6 year gap with younger and we were never on teh same stage and it sucked.

[Michelle]

Absolutely - would TOTALLY do it again. The kids are 15 mos apart. First one was super easy - and the second one was a terror. I don't remember much of the first 15 mos, and then all of a sudden I remember thinking... wow this got 100 times easier in just one month. From that point on, I thought it was the best decision I ever made 'accidentally'. In fact, I worry that my 3rd child is too far apart to appreciate the bond his older brothers have. If I was crazy enough, I would have a 4th and baby bunch that 4th child with my 3rd. That way they could have the same bond. However, I don't think we have it in us!

[geekymummy]

hello, I like your blog! I didn't realize I was a baby buncher (mine are 24 months apart, does that count?). We did it for a couple of reasons: 1 I'm 37, we had trouble getting our first child (2 miscarriages), so when she turned 1 we started trying for number 2, and got and stayed pregnant pretty quick. My youngest is 6 months now, so we are still in the 'hell years', some days are better than others! We both work full time too(reason number 2 for having 2 kids so close is that I love my job, but I may want to start climbing career wise, so thought it best to have both kids close together and focus on career afterwards). we do spend a fortune in child care. But so far I am pretty happy with the way things are working out. Some days I feel like supermom, others like superslacker mom. One day at a time, I say!

[Linda]

Uhhhh....I would totally do this again. But only because NOW I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was a rough 18 months. It's not for everyone and I was probably one of those that shouldn't have done it. But here I am. :-)

[Deena]

We have the mother of baby-bunching experiences...We brought home our adopted (from Guatemala)daughter at 10 months old in March of 2008 & I just gave birth to her brother a month ago. That's 2 babies in 5 months! Talk about culture shock! We keep telling ourselves it will get easier. Now we have an energetic toddler & a 6 week old that needs feeding every 3 hours...ugh...what I would do for 5 hours sleep! This blog is helping me to see there is light at the end of the tunnel!!

[Casey]

We're right in the middle of baby-bunching hell so at this moment I'm not sure I'd recommend it to anyone since having an energetic toddler and a demanding newborn is very hectic. My kids are a week short of 16 months apart.

It really helps to read your site and see that things will get better. I'm hoping my kids will grow up being each others best friend.

[Heather]

Just tonight, my husband and I watched our bunch playing together while we watched TV and realized "WOW, this could not have happened even a couple months ago!" Ours are 14 months apart and are now 21 months and nearly 3. I'd definitely do it again to experience the fun we're having now. But like other posters have said, I don't remember much of last year. If I was told we were "done" having children for some reason, I'd be sad. It'd be like a roller-coaster ride that ended too soon. I think having #3 is a must for us... just to be able to soak in those tender moments again.

[Nicole]

I would absolutely do it again! I have 3 under 2 and 1/2 years old (30 months, 15 months, and 1 and 1/2 months). Things are almost always crazy, but my 1 and 2 year old already play together all the time and are constantly hugging/kissing the baby. I love the bond that they have and are so happy that they have each other to grow up with. We are already trying to conceive #4 while breastfeeding again :)

[Erin]

I'm in the thick of it now, and I keep thinking what in the world was I thinking? We had trouble TTC #1, so assumed it would take a while for #2! Ha! They are 18mos apart. #1 - easy peasy #2 - Not as easy, but not terrible. She hated the car for the 1st 6 mos of life, but now she is ok, so I can get out of the house. #1 is teething right now and just a pita! But I have hope and am trying to remember there are sunny days ahead!

[Baby Bunching]

This is how many of us got into this situation. Sunny days are ahead.

[Jennifer]

I would absolutely do it again! My two are 18 months apart. My Son is now 23 months and my little girl is 5 months. We are currently trying again for #3. Seems crazy and no I don't have super easy babies. My daughter cried for 2 hours straight twice a day for the first 8 weeks of her life. Can you say LONG days??!! But now she is super happy and she and big brother play together. He reads her books and tries to take care of her as much as possible. They love each other so much it's amazing. My little boy doesn't even care too much about seeing me first thing in the morning he just wants "baby" :) Totally worth the tough moments! The days are long but the years are short is what my Mom another buncher tells me.

[helene]

I feel blessed and happy with my little baby bunch, they are 17 months apart, I wanted to have kids apart from 18 months to 2 years max so my wish was granted and it made me very happy!
I read a lot on the subject, to see others experience,to think a lot before taking my decision. I talked about it a lot with my DH and I was ready when my DD turned 9 months. because I felt it was the moment, everything was quiet and scheduled.we had a rythme, things were easy or they seemed easy to me.
I must add that my daughter was a very demanding and needy baby her first 6 months and it was really exhausting and depressing for me. I had some kind of little post partum depression.But in spite of this I wanted more babies!
I believe I was very prepared,for I was also prepared for this to be much worse.
Some women told me it was easy for her and things went their way naturally and honestly at the moment it seems just natural for me.
It does not seem like hell

Of course I am exhausted but not more than another mom with two children with more age apart. I am tired because of lack of sleep, can't wait that little baby sleep through the night ;)

My DD is not a pain when I have to breastfeed her brother. She has been awful the first months with the lunch, she did not want to eat and it was HELL!
happily enough it lasted two months.she drove me insane, but she turned 18 months so she is not in a fun phase ;) plus she does not speak yet so this does not help me understand everything about her.

I try to be patient and share my time as much as I can.

[helene]

(I'm finishing my comment here)
In spite of this I would not recommend it to people. I would just say it works with me, with us, we are happy this way.
But you have to really want this kind of crazy life( it does not mean I am crazy or masochistic ahah)
but to really enjoy this you have to love babies and to be willing to give them your time, to be devoted to them.
I really believe that when you did not want this and it happens to you ,you can feel pretty bad because the diapers one after the other and again...and the crying one after the other if not together, this can drive you insane!
I also think that the moms of bunch who never screams or get mad at their kids are really the most patience person on Earth and get my kudos, because I do scream at times and lose my temper when my DD makes fusses.

It does not mean I regret, it means I am human and can blow a fuse now and then ;)
I still need time to better organise myself to have more time for me to play, blog etc but for now DD is 20 months and her brother is 3 months, we are getting a good rythme.
I am lucky because DS is much easier than DD at the same age, he does not cry much and he's not as needy as she was but it does not mean I don't enjoy my tons of cuddles and snuggles ;)
I savour this time!I love to see my baby grow!

I remember a thing that helped me the first weeks( because on top of that we moved during that time right after my DS birth)to have a good sense of humour and to laugh about things to keep being brave ^_^ it helped a lot so thank you very much for this really great blog!