Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

thinking about round three?

Having recently had my third child 3 years after my Baby Bunch (which had a 17 month gap between the two of them), I continue to be astounded at what a different experience it is this time around the block.  This has been a surprise to me because I am so psychologically scarred from the last time.  Certainly, some things are the same.  For example, as I write this, my husband is walking circles around our house at midnight trying to quiet a fussy newborn that has been cluster feeding since 5 pm and finally succeeded in numbing both his mother's arms and her breasts.  This has been going on for almost a week now and I had forgotten how we did the same thing with our second son, but how quickly it all comes rushing back!

But in honor of the many of you who have commented that your Bunch is approaching pre-school/kindergarten age and you are on the fence about whether or not to have a third, I thought I'd share some of the things that are WAY easier this time than last.

Problem:  Late to church again and no time to nurse!   Throw bottle of pumped milk into diaper bag, only to have baby wig out as soon as you get in the car.
Solution Then: Unsuccessfully try to contort yourself enough to reach from front seat to back and feed baby while you are all buckled in.  Give up, letting baby scream all the way to church.
Now: Ask 4 year old in carseat next to baby to hold bottle and enjoy ride in silence while happy baby eats.

Problem: Baby is fussy. 
Solution Then:  Swing, bouncy, sling, cradle, and every other contraption in the house have been unsuccessful in soothing/distracting baby.  Give up, letting baby scream until he will likely wake up his (not much) older sibling.  Deal with two crying babies.
Solution Now: Get baby front row seats to the Big Brother Show.  Baby stops crying to watch (with great interest) the psychotic monkeys that are his older brothers.  Caveat:  This solution ends when big brothers go to bed, leaving mom and dad screwed from 8 pm until whenever baby wears himself out.

Problem: It is a hassle to go anywhere.  Every outing involves five trips to the car - one carrying each Baby in the Bunch and three more carrying their assorted diaper bags, strollers, and mom's coffee.
Solution Then:  Make five trips (on both ends) to the car anytime you go anywhere. 
Solution Now:  Grab infant seat and go.  Big brothers walk to the car themselves,with the oldest carrying mom's coffee.  Mom has downsized from an actual diaper bag to one of those diaper changing wallets, which she can snap on to the side of the infant seat.  Four different kinds of strollers have already taken up permanent residence in the car trunk, so Mom is prepared for any kind of outing scenario.

I'm sure there are more, but screaming baby has returned and duty calls.  Too bad big brothers won't be up for another 7 hours.  But hey, I promised y'all I'd focus on the POSITIVES of adding to your bunch, right?

in the backseat

Sometimes I really wish I could put up one of those plastic dividers that NYC cab drivers have in their cars. Zip . . . open it up when I want to hear the cute singing from the backseat. Zip . . . close it when the whining and fussing starts. I have a love/hate relationship with the back seat. On one hand my precious cargo reside in their seats with all their cute idiosyncracies. I love the songs and the discussions. I love to hear them working out a problem or bargaining for a later bedtime. But what I do NOT love is the fighting, the crying, the whining, the throwing of books/toys, the leaning over to pinch each other or crocs that come shooting at my face. Oh yes, I have seen it all.

But today after driving home from back-to-school shoe shopping (one of my other not-so-favorite activities), the noise from the backseat was beyond my decibal level. We were stuck in rush hour traffic--which of course didn't help anything--and my son had to pee. I could hear my daughter starting to spiral. "Mommy, I'm hungry. Why didn't I get any Legos. My tummy hurts. I have to pee. Where are my new ponytail holders. Where's my daddy. I need my daddy." Then my son starts in. "Mommy, I really have to pee. Why is there so much traffic? Are we ever going to get home? Anna, don't push me. Mom, Anna pushed me. Mom, I really have to pee right now." Then my daughter starts to get pissed. I hear her rip the velcro from her shoes. But I know that sound. That is the sound of mom-I'm-mad-and-I'm-going-to-throw-my-shoes. I stopped her. "Hey there. If you are taking off those shoes to throw at me, remember what I told you. What gets thrown up here, like the toy you just threw, will be taken away from you." Silence. Ah ha! I have detected the sound and beat her at her own game.

See, those sounds from the backseat of the early Baby Bunching days don't end when kids can talk. I remember hearing crying and screaming from both kids for a long time. One kid would set off the other and the whole car would be a rockin' good time of crying babies. Oh so fun. As they got older, my son would provoke Anna or I would enlist him to keep her awake until we got home, which usually meant screaming at the top of his lungs or throwing toys until she would scream bloody murder. Also so fun. We're a party household, can't you tell? At some point the evitable "line" appeared. "He touched my seat." "She touched my seat." And we'd go back and forth with that.

Seriously, can I get a divider installed in my car. Would they do that while they fix my broken CD player in my car?

and the winner is . . .

My youngest child selected the winner for our giveaway this morning since she was ready for camp first. Gotta love that incentive! Congrats to Ann for winning the Pregnancy Instruction Manual: Essential Information, Troubleshooting Tips, And Advice for Parents-to-Be.

props to baby bunchers

Baby Bunchers, have you ever noticed that your children make people tired? Not just you (that’s a given), but the people around you? Because of the recent addition of a new baby, we’ve just had a string of out-of-town family visitors at our house (grandparents, aunts, etc.). I would like to preface this post by saying that my husband and I have the best families ever. We both lucked out in the in-law and sibling department and everyone is super, super flexible about going with the flow and doing whatever is best/easiest for our kids. When they come to visit, they eat whatever, do whatever, and help out however they can. We could not ask for a more supportive family.

But we have noticed that long-term exposure to our children results in extreme guest fatigue. Of the Rip Van Winkle variety. All guests fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, and most of them have to escape for a siesta at some point during the day. Mid-afternoon causes visitors to our house to fall into a glassy-eyed stare and sometimes fall asleep on the couch sitting up, ala Jeff from the Wiggles. Everyone is secretly glad when we strictly enforce the children’s 8 pm bedtime (the one specifically designed to allow my husband and I to restore energy and get up and do it all again the next day).

And I’ve noticed a gradual escalation in exhaustion with the number of children that we have. All baby helpers started out gung ho when my oldest was born, eagerly jumping up to perform even the most mundane tasks. With the arrival of Baby #3, we find ourselves changing a lot more diapers and bathing a lot more children while our helpers volunteer for tasks like holding the (quiet) baby. Or running out to pick up the pizza for dinner.

When I first noticed this phenomenon in the grandparents, I chalked it up to “aging” (mind you, none of our children’s grandparents have even hit 60 yet). But then I noticed the same pattern in my sisters. Which is interesting because one of them is a teacher and faces a classroom full of middle school students every day.  Which would be my personal hell.  The other one is a college student and actually nannies for two small children when she isn’t staying awake 24 hours a day for multiple week stretches for sorority rush activities. Yet MY house sucks her dry?!?!? This is when I decided that my children must be legitimately exhausting. 

I feel compelled to note that ironically enough, the only visitor NOT to poop out is my co-host on this blog, who came to visit recently at the very end of my pregnancy when I was absolutely exhausted. She left her own children behind for the weekend, but with boundless energy she bathed, fed and read stories to mine. And then actually mentioned wanting to come back sometime soon in a phone call the very next week! Now THAT is a friend.

Along the lines of Linda’s favorite Baby Bunching comments, if I had a nickel for every, “Wow! I don’t know how you do it!” I get when out and about with my kids, I would my children's college funds fully funded. I know that it is alarming for people to see a woman with 3 boys under the age of 5, but honestly, how I do it is I don’t have a choice. I really don’t think my children would take it well if one day I woke up and said, “Hmm - I just don’t think I can do it today.” First they would break into the pantry and consume an entire box of Cheez Nips for breakfast and then they would probably burn the house down somehow. I “do it” for my own protection.

Yes, my kids are super hyper spaz attacks active.  But over the years, I have developed a gradual immunity to the insanity (my severe hearing loss helps too).  To the point where I was brave enough to recently add another baby to the mix. And I realized that I should be really proud of myself.  Parenting is never an easy job, but parenting a small pack of closely spaced children is definitely one of the most challenging ways to tackle the job.  And not everyone is cut out to do it this way.  So when the going gets rough, I take a minute to pat myself on the back for "doing it".  And you should too!

 

first baby bunching giveaway deadline

If you haven't already signed up for our first giveaway, the clock is ticking. We'll draw a winner on August 13. Please make sure we have your contact information so we can actually send you the book:  Pregnancy Instruction Manual: Essential Information, Troubleshooting Tips, And Advice for Parents-to-Be. Even if you're not pregnant, this is a great book to give as a gift to an impending Baby Buncher.

smart and savvy

Part of our goal here at babybunching.com is to provide you with, not only funny stories and tips, but resources you can use. Part of Baby Bunching means getting organized. You will be surprised how quickly you can restock the diaper bag for an outing and before you know it, you'll be doing it in your sleep and getting it right (almost every time)!

The main challenges with Baby Bunching hit three main categories (I think): food, sleep and getting out. Getting out always seemed to be the worst for me because it involved so much gear, and I always felt people were watching me. After a few mishaps here and there at highly inappropriate places to take a toddler/infant like Little Gym, (Ah, yes, rookie mistake) I finally learned a few lessons about outings.

1. Do your homework. Find out from other people before you go to the zoo if there are ample places to change a baby or close enough bathrooms to deal with a potty training toddler. Find out if a place is stroller friendly or if there is nearby parking. Investigate entry fees and if food is allowed into a park, zoo, etc.

2. Always, always, always bring the stroller and enough food and drink to last through a meal--just in case.

3. Leave while people are happy. This means you will have to research how long it will take to get some place. Nothing is worse than a 45-minute meltdown on the way home only to have your toddler fall asleep in the car five minutes before you get home.

If you don't have a super dooper resource of moms at your beckon call, there is a great Website you should check out: Being Savvy: The Savvy Source for Parents. While it's a great blog with all kinds of tips, what I love about this site is it provides detailed information about areas around the country with toddlers/preschoolers in mind. So for about 27 cities, you can check out a blog written by someone in your area who has little ones. You live in Atlanta, but want to visit DC, this site has the skinny. If you're moving to Denver and need to know about great kid-friendly places to go, they have the info.

So, Being Savvy, essentially, has done the homework for you on where it's safe (or not so safe) to take your Baby Bunch. If you know of other helpful sites, please let us know.  

baby bunching tip #2: a second crib

Really the question for this should be: Do you want your toddler wandering around the house while you're messing with a baby and do you want a safe place to put him when you're attending to the little one?

There are amazing toddlers who will obey you at 18 months and stay in their rooms like little angels. (I only know one mom with a child like this.) There are other ways to ensure your older child is safe from harm while you change a diaper. But don't pass up the crib if you don't need to.

When I found out I was pregnant with my second, I realized no way would my first be ready for a bed--he would be 16 months when she was born. I bought a crib second hand (actually I think it was third hand) from another Baby Bunching mom who had just moved her oldest to a big boy bed. It was a smaller crib that would work up until my daughter was only about a year. Sure enough when my son turned two, he wanted a big bed and she was ready to move up to his crib. We sold the crib again to yet another Baby Bunching mom doing the same thing.

The crib serves as more than a bed. To oust your oldest before he's ready (or you're ready) can unleash all kinds of other issues you may not be ready for such as room destruction and disappearing naps. The latter is crucial. You want to keep those naps as long as possible.

A few things to keep in mind:

1. The size of your house. If you live in a Manhattan apartment, a second crib may be a space issue and your oldest may have to move to something else or the baby will need to be the Pack n' Play longer than you anticipated. They can last in there for quite a long time, surprisingly.

2. Budget. You may not have money for a second crib. If you think you need one, you'd be surprised how many other moms would gladly free up their attic/basement while you borrow one for a bit. I have one sitting here if someone needs one.

3. Your child's temperament. If you kid seems ready for a bed and she's a well-behaved 22 months old, I'd say go for it. If you have a rambunctious 17-month old that likes to ransack his room, maybe not quite yet.

4. Spacing. If your kids are closer to 13 months apart, clearly you'll need place to put your new baby. If your kids are closer to the 24-month mark, you could fudge it if you need to.

But our recommendation: Keep the crib as long as possible.   

baby bunching benefits: interchangeable clothes

My husband is an awesome dad. But he does not dress my kids awesomely. Apparently he was born with a deficiency that prevents him from seeing that certain colors do not go together, heavy sweaters are typically not worn with shorts in June, dress shoes don’t go with sweats, and that a 2T top and a 12 month pant neither go together nor on the same child.

On the mornings that he is in charge of getting everyone dressed, it is not uncommon for them to come downstairs wearing oversized souvenir t-shirts – you know, the cheap, too-big kind the grandparents purchase 3 for $10 every time they go on vacation that we use for pajamas (sorry, grandparents). And they are almost always wearing each other’s shorts. For reasons unknown to me, my husband is incapable of reading a clothing size tag, yet he CONSISTENTLY puts the wrong sized shorts on the wrong kid – now that’s talent!

For 3 years he has been dressing our children like clowns. And now, they are old enough to take over and dress themselves like clowns (in turns out that deficiency is passed down as a dominant trait). But something really cool happened yesterday. They came down in each other’s shorts, but they actually fit! At 17 months apart, there is still a decent size difference between my kids, but one is taller and lankier and the other is shorter and stockier. So the same shorts fit Cade like shorts and Drew like long shorts. Sweet!

Ditto with shirts. For the first time this summer, Cade didn’t go up a size in clothes. So he can still wear some of last year’s stuff, which Drew has also grown into. Now that their clothes are officially interchangeable, including the fact that pajamas have become daywear, I see a great time savings opportunity.  No more folding and sorting clothes!   I can simply buy 14 shirts and pants/shorts, have one hamper for dirties and one for cleans and let them go at it!

Granted, this perk only applies to Bunchers with same-sex kids.  And you have to wait a few years for this particular payoff.  But take heart, ye Bunchers with younger broods.  Someday, you too, will be glad you did it!

 

conquering the "nap trap"

Ok, I cannot take credit for the "nap trap" term, but I do love it dearly. My friend Tara who has baby bunched twice with her four kids--my hat is off to you girl--passed this phrase along. Secretly, I'm hoping she coined the phrase because then I can give her lots of credit here.

Nap Trap: Any Baby Buncher will tell you there is a period when your little one is between 4-12 months and on mutiple naps and your older child still, we hope and pray, is taking a very good afternoon nap. The result means you could be trapped inside all day doing naps.

Basics to the Nap Trap: Your wee one will need to nap at least twice a day, if not three times. Accept it. There is nothing you can do about it. Learn to love your home during this period and embrace the indoors. If you work outside the home, woo hoo, bonus points!

But don't despair, there are always ways around it. Here's the down low on getting through the Nap Trap.

1. Accept your kids' nap schedules. It's temporary.

2. Host playgroups at YOUR house so people can sleep when they need to, your toddler gets playtime with new faces and you get friends to chat with for your sanity. Put on a pot of coffee and call it good.

3. Once your little one gets on a regular nap schedule (3-4 months), we found it helpful to actually write out the naps and see where they overlap. From there you can tweak as needed to meet your own needs.

4. Use the car/stroller during naptimes for the baby if you need to get out. I needed to get out of the house so my poor daughter endured this about 2-3 times a weeks so me and and my son could get some air.

5. Hire a sitter or mother's helper to come and sit while baby sleeps so you can go for a walk with your toddler or take him to an activity. 

stupid things people say

Sometimes people say the stupidest things. I remember when I was pregnant with my second baby. People would look at me and then look at my son (who was less than a year old at the time) and say things like "Did you mean to have this baby?" or "Was this baby an accident?" or "Didn't you just have a baby?" Yes, no, yes. Jeez people why must you point out the obvious? Perhaps due to lack of anything else to say.

But for four years now, my absolute favorite line is "Wow, you have your hands full!" What kind of stupid comment is that. What does that accomplish in my day? My kids are four and three. They are energetic. No one is lacking in spunk in this household. My kids aren't shy and they certainly aren't quiet. Translation: Yes, I know I have my hands full.

To be reminded, even now, after the days of balancing an infant and a toddler, trying to keep two toddlers from running out into traffic or toppling off the playground equipment kind of makes me cringe. We were in the bathroom and some public place where my children feel compelled to go #2 everyday. Yes, I'm serious. They love pooing in public bathrooms. Makes me want to vomit. As my son did his "business," my daughter skipped around turning on all the faucets and washed her hands. Then went into all the stalls. Then looked under all the stalls. All while we waited for Alex to stop singing in his own stall. When he finally emerged, a lady looked at my kids and asked, "Are they a year apart or twins? [my other favorite question]. I answered her and she says, "You must be a busy woman?"  Well, she asked it more than stating. Yes, lady do you see I'm busy and have my hands full. Next time I'll see if she wants to come babysit.