Mom Blog and Baby Blog | Baby Bunching

Baby Bunching Bye-Bye

So....we feel incredibly guilty that we left you hanging.  We still get tons of emails from y'all asking for tips, questions, when the book will be published, etc., and we're so grateful that you still love us.  Unfortunately, due to other priorities - mostly work and the fact that our bunches are no longer babies so they ran off and got their own lives and we're running in a million different directions trying to keep up with them.  All of which equals sorely neglected blog.  

We still have a dream that the book will be published, especially since it is like 60% (maybe more) complete and the blog has given us all the "case studies" we could ask for from fellow Bunchers!  We are one or two writing retreat weekends away from having it signed, sealed, and delivered via self-publishing.  We just haven't actually *scheduled* said retreats.  

But fear not - we're not ACTUALLY leaving you alone!  The good news is, the blog generated a couple of ways to get support from other Bunchers (which was really all we wanted all along):

1)  SEARCH the blog.  We brain-dumped just about everything we know about Bunching on the blog.  We promise to pay the hosting fees forever so that it will be here for posterity for you to search any time you want to.  If you scroll down a little, there's a search function in the middle of the right-hand side bar.  You can also click on search by topic at the bottom of the left-hand bar.  Most Baby Bunching questions revolve around sleeping, eating, strollers, and how to keep from going crazy (not necessarily in that order).  Almost everything you want to know has been asked before, so please read the archives - they remain as relevant today as they were the day we wrote them.

2) FACEBOOK page.  We started it, but y'all keep it going!  It's a great place to find and ask questions of other Baby Bunchers.  Please support Web 2.0 by making it a two-way street - ask your questions, but ANSWER those from others as well - it's a way to pay it forward and support other Baby Bunching moms behind you!

3) MEET-UP.  Start them in your local area to meet other Bunchers.  We encourage it.  Use the name Baby Bunchers if you want - although we'd love for you to give us a heads-up if you do, just so we can keep track of what all we're up to.  : )  In fact, if we know about you, we can link to you through the blog or Facebook to help spread the word, so shoot us an email if you get one off the ground.

Finally, do keep a heads-up for the book - we'll post updates here.  We promise it'll get written someday, and while you may not need it by then, we can almost guarantee you'll know someone for whom it would make the perfect baby shower gift.

Thanks for reading and enjoy the early years!  Because before you know it, your Bunches will be bigger and you'll be running even faster to try to keep up with them. Take it from us - cuddle and hug them while they'll still sit on your lap.  Happy Baby Bunching!

Best Holiday Gifts for the Baby Bunching Mom

This gift guide, courtesy of super-awesome guest poster Rachel, is a little late coming (our fault, she sent it months ago) but if you're anything like us you haven't even STARTED your shopping yet, so we hope you find it useful!  Super suggestions on what to add to your wishlist (or get the other Baby Bunching moms in your life).  Happy shopping!

1)      Pretty and comfortable nursing bra. If you are breastfeeding, and Baby Bunching, chances are you will not be back in your old lingerie for a while. So a well-fitted nursing bra is a must, and it might as well make you feel beautiful as well. I’m a no-frills type of gal, so a Playtex Womens Nursing Wirefree Bra is my favorite. Nothing fancy, but can be worn with anything, and it makes the girls look really good. However, others might enjoy more sexy, or colorful, and options abound!

2)      Babywearing equipment. This could be a sling, a backpack, a soft carrier, etc. In my opinion, this a must-have when Little Baby is still a tiny, floppy infant, and Big Baby is still a needy, clingy toddler. My personal favorite is the Beco Baby Carrier since it is all-day comfortable for mom and safe and secure for baby, though I usually recommend a simple one-piece sling like Hostlings to new moms.

3)      Baggies galore. I’m talking about cosmetic bags, waterproof ziplock bag alternatives, and any baggie with a zipper. These kind of baggies can turn any purse into a diaper bag, and can be easily transferred from one tote to another. Use a pretty one for all your personal items, and have it double as a clutch for quick trips sans offspring. Use a clear one as a diaper wallet, and never fumble over which size of diaper to pull out.  Or use a zipper bag to store snacks, or a spare set of clothes for the baby, or toys to keep everyone entertained, or the rocks your toddler insists on bringing home.

4)      Smartphone – iPhone, Android, it really doesn’t matter. As long as one of the items you never leave home without doubles as an entertainment system for Big Baby in a pinch; a smartphone has quickly become a must-have for many Baby Bunching mommies.

5)      Nice scarf. What else can serve as a fashion statement/nursing cover/burp cloth/breast leak hider? In a pinch, I’ve even used mine as a mat for changing diapers. Ask for something comfortable (not scratchy wool) and everyday (not silk or velvet) in an oblong shape for maximum usability.  I’ve found a print that incorporates lots of colors is the best, as it works with many different outfits and can hide your toddler’s marker stains as well.

6)      Trendy shades. Sunglasses care for your eyes, can make any outfit look better, and can be worn year-round. If you’re like me, and are constantly losing your shades, or breaking them and blaming your baby for it, then a $10 drugstore pair is as good as any. Just make sure to ask for BIG glasses, Baby Bunching mommy, as those are the kind that hide your dark-circled no-makeup eyes when you make that early morning diaper run.

7) Gift cards for comforting splurges, such as coffee shops, mani/pedi, spa treatments, movie tickets, etc.  Of course, you'd need a sitter to use these, which brings us to....

8) An evening (morning/afternoon/night) off. Let’s face it. For many of us, the best gift we can imagine is a break. This can also be the least expensive option for your younger college-aged sibling, or the favorite option for grandparents. In a life with two babies, “me” time can be harder to find than a good night’s rest, so several hours spent doing an enjoyable  activity qualifies as a good gift for any Baby Bunching mom.

C'mon and help us round out a solid list of ten ideas - what else is on your list?  Happy holidays to everyone, and may you enjoy the best little gifts in your life, your Bunch!

Rachel is a Baby Bunching mom of two beautiful daughters (3.5 years and 2 months) and a handsome son in between (2.5 years). She loves giving and receiving gifts, but is guilt-ridden about spending money.

gymboree dropout: accept it and move on

Like we mentioned yesterday, the motive behind baby/toddler classes isn't solely for baby and tot's development. They also are for moms to socialize and commiserate. We wish establishments would understand that and hone in on making their classes more Baby Bunching friendly.

Once you are ready to leave the house (and believe us, you will be), in the early days of Bunching your activities will likely center around your older child’s interests and possibly the younger one’s schedule.  Your oldest may still be registered for Gymboree, KinderMusic, Little Gym or some other seemingly simplistic baby classes. And like we all did, you'll make at least one attempt to continue on as business as usual.

We’ll be honest with you, most of these classes are more fun with one baby than two and you might find yourself reassessing and begging off from Gymboree for a while. There’s nothing like sprinting through Little Gym to catch your toddler as he tumbles off the side of the slide, only to jostle the baby awake from her nap in the Baby Bjorn. And nothing says a fun music class like an infant screaming her head off in the middle of the morning “Hello” song.  Do you see where we think someone might jump on this for a business endeavor?  Even the ones that do have sibling options usually don’t start until the youngest sibling is a little older, and we found the same super-sweet teacher who just loved teaching your Big’s class at six months old does not appreciate having a six-month old in the two-year old class.  Not to mention that most places charge for double duty registration.

Welcome to the wonderful world of “Baby Bunching is Not Cheap.”  All of the sudden $400 a semester for two people who aren’t verbal to take singing classes starts to feel a little silly.

Take our advice, even though we know brochures are compelling and may lure you into enrolling both kids, take a mini hiatus from structured activities that require payment and a complex refund process. Believe us when we say saving that money now will be SO worth it later when you can enroll both kids in the 4 to 6 year-old tumbling class at one time and sit in the park having a coffee while both kids are supervised and entertained. Ahhhhh.....those are good days to look forward to so hang in there.

We'd love to hear your stories about managing baby and tot during some of these structured classes. We've heard some pretty amusing ones so I'm sure you all have some fun ones to add.

how's your social life?

This week on Baby Bunching, we'll be devoting the week to your social life. Yep, that's right ladies, your social life. If you're new to Baby Bunching, you may wonder when you'll get your social life back in between finding time to pee. If you're an experienced Buncher, you'll recognize that your social life is really centered around your kids and their interests. And I'm here to tell you that at 7 and 6, my social life is still 99% wrapped around school, soccer, music lessons and swim.

We are the first to admit the #1 reason we dragged our kids to the playground or some silly library story time when they were young was because WE needed the socializing. And we're pretty sure anyone who sees two Baby Bunching moms trying to cram 2 toddlers and 2 babies into a booth at Panera with all the usual whining, crying, fussing and overpowering gear, must certainly not be a parent. Because any Buncher will tell you we're not trying to go to lunch for our kids to eat expensive mac and cheese--it's for us to be around other moms.

This week we're going to talk about socializing, as well as organized activities, unstructured outings, mom's night outs and finding ways to just get out with your brood even if it's just to Starbucks. We know that once Baby #2 arrives whatever fabulous things you're doing with #1 will be more difficult to do with two. Now that you have two nap schedules to work around and various feeding needs, you'll most certainly have to readjust your activities and expectations.

organizing school papers

The school year is in full swing now that's November. In fact, the first grading period is officially over for my kids. I feel like the older my kids get, the quicker the time flies.

This past weekend, I found myself among mountains of paperwork. Not my own, but my kids. I wish I could say it was just limited to art "projects," but there are journals, weekend updates, letters and science tests. Some I want to save and some I have no idea whether I should save or not. One of the side effects with Baby Bunching is all your kids' stuff comes in bunches as well.

We're into second grade with my oldest so I figure this is only the beginning, but since we're living in a small house, we need to find a way to get this in check sooner rather than later. There are probably lots of solutions out there--binders, crates, filing, bins, drawers--but I need one that involves very little effort on my part since I have very little extra time and very little space.  I found this fabulous idea through one of my mom's online groups from iHeart Organizing, and I'm proud to say I managed to get it all organized in one afternoon.

Supplies:

1 crate/large document box per kid

13 (or more if you want to include preschool) hanging folders + same number of file folders

Jen from iHeart Organizing's cute downloads for labels and cover sheets

Photo of your child for each year

And happily, that is is all you need. I hit the Container Store and picked up two clear crates as I find if I can see what's inside I do better and colorful file folders (green for my son and turquoise for my daughter). The kids had a great time looking through all their old papers, report cards and letters from the past few years. Best of all, I am relieved to have a place for everything now.

How do you organize all your kids' school work?

baby bunching and redshirting

By Rachel Ostlie

One of the benefits of bunching your kids is the bunching that occurs in other areas as well. Both your kids enjoy the same toys and are entertained by the same activities. And when it comes to structured programming, like story time at the library, or toddler swim lessons, they can both be in the same class. It’s a beautiful way to uncomplicate your complex baby-filled life.

I’ve taken full advantage of this since the birth of Little Baby; however, a few months ago this benefit of bunching began to seem like a liability. With a Big Baby daughter born in December, and a Little Baby son born in May, my bunch (similar to most) will follow each other like ducks when starting school. Just like many parents of twins, I worry that my twiblings will be harmed by such close association. Will teachers have set expectations of Little Baby, based off having the previous year with his big sister? Will Big Baby always feel in the shadow of his sister, forced to measure up, or to follow whatever pathway she forges? To make it all more difficult, my daughter has a personality and fine motor skills tailor-made for school, while my son is a stereotypical boy: active, strong gross motor skills, with a sprinkling of challenging authorities.

This is why I’ve begun to consider “redshirting.” This idea was named after a practice from college sports, where a delay in an athlete’s participation resulted in a longer period of eligibility (i.e. an athlete would take classes and practice with a team their first year, but not actually play in any games, resulting in a subsequent four-year playing period where they are older and stronger than their peers in the sport).  In academics, redshirting involves postponing entrance into kindergarten to allow extra time for socioemotional, intellectual, or physical growth.

If I go the redshirting route, and hold my son back a year, I believe he will be able to lead a different life than his twibling sister. He will be on par or even more advanced than the other children in his class, which might even create an unconscious bias towards him. His teacher may give him more opportunities to excel, as he will often be better behaved and more productive than his younger classmates. He himself may have a better self-image, as success begets success. This is all speculation, of course, but it finds its basis in a number of research studies on redshirting correlating with achievement in academics, sports, and other fields.

What are your thoughts, Baby Bunchers? Is redshirting a good or bad idea? What have you done (or plan to do) to solve the school dilemma with your bunch? Or, is this really a non-issue, and I’m creating a mountain out of a molehill?

Rachel is a Baby Bunching mom of three (ages 3.5, 2.5, and 2 months). All her plans for potential redshirting are coming into question since moving to a new country with a different school calendar.
 

is baby bunching right for you?

We recently ran across this radio podcast from Pregtastic about Baby Bunching. We're super excited to hear Dr. Frederick Johnson, Chief of Pediatrics at Sharp Mary Birch, talk about Baby Bunching with his own five kids.  He talks with a group of pregnant panelists talking about the pros and cons of kids close in age, as well as some tips for having kids in rapid succession.  All things we've shared on this site, but it's fun to hear it coming from a medical expert.

 

baby bunching Q/A: 3 across

Q: So, I just found out I'm pregnant with number 3 (completely unexpected) and my due date will be near my daughter's 3rd birthday and son will be 20 months. How in the world am I going to fit three car seats in my car!? I have a Saturn Vue. I saw people suggesting the Radian. We currently have 2 safety first air protects, would a third fit okay, or should we go ahead and get the Radians?

A: Fitting three car seats across can be tricky in any vehicle. The upside to having a van/SUV with a third row just means less struggle with this configuration since you have the third row option, but it's still a struggle. Since you're looking at probably two-forward facing and one rear facing, you might be OK. Usually it's the third forward-facing car seat that pushes over the end. The rear-facing car seats tend to fit nicely as if you're completing the puzzle, but it depends on your car so test it out before baby #3 arrives.

Here are a few thoughts:

1) You might look into a different rear-facing car seat. The new guidelines suggest stay rear-facing until age 2 so you could get one of the newfangled car seats that supports this and make your life easier by having that seat rear-facing longer. With two other kids in the back to entertain him or her, you'll probably be able to keep him/her facing backwards longer and avoid the dreaded three-car seat shuffle with all front-facing seats.

2) Do a test run with all your current car seats you plan to use within the next year. Make sure they all fit well and the infant seat is easy to get in and out without too much fuss. If for any reason it's not, I would look into changing something--whether it's the rear-facing seat (mentioned above) or giving the Radian a try. You could always buy the other seats and return them if they don't help out.

3) If you're planning to keep your car for a while, try the configuration with the booster thrown in there as well. You would think those are narrower, but often they are just as wide and can make the three-across difficult.  This just gives you an idea of how your family will grow in your car.

With all that said, we're optimistic you can make it work, and we're excited to hear the news of your new baby.

outdated baby myths, baby bunching style

We ran across this article yesterday about the 14 most outdated pieces of baby advice. Of course, being a parent of children well beyond 'babies,' we had to check in to see what we had or hadn't done in this list. Funny the difference 16 months can make!

We're going to give you the Baby Bunching version of this this list.

Myth: Infants need to be bathed every day.
The Baby Bunching truth: Ha! The more kids you have close in age the less you want to bathe them. Everyday. We have one friend with 4 bunched kids and #4 was lucky to get a bath once a week. Wipe them down with a cloth and their good. It's the older ones that need the bath.

Myth: Babies sleep best in a room that's silent and dark.
The Baby Bunching truth: Good luck with that. It wasn't until baby #2 that we invested in the sound machine just to drown the noise out from Big Baby.  

Myth: When infants are running a high temperature, rub them down with alcohol to lower their fever.
The Baby Bunching truth:We are unfamilar with this one. We say stick with Tyenol when appropriate.

Myth: Letting your little one stand or bounce in your lap can cause bowlegs later on.
The Baby Bunching truth:Also never heard of this, but we bet you'll let baby #2 in the Jumperoo/Megasaucer WAY earlier than you let the first one!

Myth: Listening to classical music will raise your baby's IQ.
The Baby Bunching truth:We bet this actually soothes everyone so while it may not raise anyone's IQ it will make feeding your Bunch a much more enjoyable experience. Really!

Myth: Let your baby cry it out; if you pick her up whenever she's wailing, you'll spoil her.
The Baby Bunching truth: It won't spoil him/her but it will be the new norm. Everyone must learn to wait.

Myth: Babies should be woken up in the night to have a wet diaper changed.
The Baby Bunching truth: No!!!! Let sleeping babies sleep.

Myth: It's dangerous to immunize your infant if he has a cold or a low-grade fever.
The Baby Bunching truth: Go with the doctor's rec on this. If you have gotten everyone to a check up that includes a shot and you can get it with a cold, just get it so you don't have to drag everyone back.

Myth: Never apply sunscreen to an infant under 6 months of age.
The Baby Bunching truth: Unless you have kids that are 2 and older we're guessing the pool will be a major chore so it won't matter much on this. one. If you do have older kids, then you already know they will be along for the ride no matter what. Sit under the umbrella.

Myth: During the first month of a baby's life, it's critical that all baby bottles and nipples be sterilized.
The Baby Bunching truth: Nah, just wash them with soap and water.

Myth: The safest way to put an infant to sleep is on her stomach.
The Baby Bunching truth: As a mother to one tummy sleeper, we say try your best to get your babe on his back and then after that.....you're on your own.

Myth: Putting rice cereal in your infant's bottle will help him sleep.
The Baby Bunching truth: This just sounds gross, but we know that infants shouldn't have solid food until 4-6 months. Then we all pray your babes are sleeping better.

Myth: It's critical to keep your baby on a strict feeding schedule.
The Baby Bunching truth:If you're OCD like we are, perhaps you did this the first time around. The second time's a charm and realized feeding has no schedule so if they are crying and cranky, pop 'em on a boob.

Myth: Infants need hard-soled shoes to protect their delicate toes and keep their feet properly aligned.
The Baby Bunching truth: Nope, barefoot is best. Who has time to find shoes!

quitting thumb-sucking: it's not just hard on kids

When my kids were newborns, I clung fervently to the almighty pacifier as a soother  - even learning to tuck the bottom half right into their "baby burrito" swaddling at night to encourage it to stay in place.  As they grew from sleepy newborns into active infants and the paci kept slipping out and waking them up, I prayed that they would find their thumb/fingers and learn to self-soothe and GO BACK TO SLEEP.  As a recovering thumb-sucker myself, I knew even in that moment that it would be far easier to ditch the paci than the thumb as they got older, but I didn't care one whit.  All I knew was that life had become one constant stream of babies  and I needed a good night's sleep and if it meant I had to saw my first grader's hand off at the wrist someday to cure him of thumb-sucking, so be it.

Fast forward to first (ok, second) grade.  I've got two thumb suckers with loveys and a finger sucker without a lovey, and it's abundantly clear that amputation is not an option.  Time to pay the piper for my past parenting misdeeds.

With my two thumb suckers, the sucking is tied to the lovey and we've made some half-hearted attempts to hide/dispose of lovey during the day but can't bring ourselves to law down the law at night. My own thumb snuck into my mouth at night long after I'd been fitted with braces to correct damage done earlier by said intruder.  So I have every sympathy when my oldest sobs that he "just can't take it" if he can't suck his thumb while he goes to sleep.  

Our finger sucker isn't tied to anything - except his fingers.  All. day. long.  The best we've been able to come up with for him is the pretty much constant admonition to "take your fingers out of your mouth" and "keep your hands busy so they don't creep into your mouth!"  To the point where I'm sure he wants to keep his hands busy by beating us with sticks so that we'll shut up and leave him alone. 

To make matters worse, our pediatric dentists seem fairly unconcerned about either the thumb or finger sucking, although they both said that if we felt like worrying about it, finger sucking is actually worse in terms of tooth displacement.  The fact that my dentists aren't concerned gives me false permission to carry on about my ways, believing that they will eventually "grow out of it". Which I know for a fact is total BS, based on my personal experiences that a well-sucked thumb is tough as leather and even a mouth full of metal is no match for a thumb determined to find it's way home.

Part of me knows I need to lay down the law, and the other part of me, quite honestly, doesn't want my babies to grow up.  I can remember when their threadbare loveys were pristine new baby gifts and I was able to snuggle both lovey and baby right up to my chest.  Now, the sheer stench of my oldest son's feet keeps me from wanting to snuggle him, even if he could still fit on my lap.  And The Caboose has officially reached the age where I try to pull him into my lap and he squirms to break free instead of snuggling in. With the exception of the Pull-Ups on The Caboose, the thumb/finger sucking is the last vestige of "baby" in this house.  

Since we've obviously missed the window on the whole "they'll lose interest as they get older and quit on their own" time-line for my two bigger boys, we're gonna go the orthodontic route.  Biggest boy will be heading in for a spacer, which, the dentist says, will make it so difficult to suck his thumb that he'll probably quit.  My guess is that in another year, Middle will be sent for one as well.  Meanwhile, I'm hoping I can salvage The (just turned three year old) Caboose and cure him using natural methods.  Does anyone out there have tips for quitting thumb-sucking that worked for you? Because I suck at this.